You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for most Tuesdays and the occasional fuckbotch. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. For a take on what a blog by me would be like, check out OLDNERD.
Starting To Smell
Memo to the Boy Scouts, , and : YOUR TURN!
After a brief break to remind us all that Republicans really hate women, really really hate uppity women, and really really really hate uppity women who aren't ashamed of their vaginas, we return to the bottom of the pile, the moss under the rock I finally have time to lift with the election firmly in my back mirror.
For example, in September, the Los Angeles Times got a hold of 21 years of confidential Boy Scout files, from 1970 through 1991, and found that, shocker of shockers, that when the Boy Scouts caught someone giving one of their Scouts the old "two-finger salute", as it were, they didn't call the cops. They got the offender to quietly resign, then covered it up.
Then they kept the details in secret "perversion files", which I'm pretty sure isn't in the Scout oath anywhere.
Sound familiar? A large multinational organization with access to children, a strong association with religion, and a rabidly anti-gay agenda covering up the crimes of their own pedophiles? Also, ridiculous hats are involved.
The Scout's response? "We have always cooperated fully with any request from law enforcement." Which, of course, law enforcement won't make if they don't know a crime has occurred, and they won't know a crime has occurred if the Boy Scouts were covering it up. They say they've changed, instituting a rule two whole years ago that sexual abuse should be reported to the authorities. So, you know. No need to give them their promptness merit badge or anything.
Terry Johnson escaped my notice back in September as well, because on the list of blights against America, racist cops are always in the top five. Here's what Terry Johnson, Alamance County Sheriff, said about Mexicans, according to the Justice Department, who is currently trying to convict Johnson of systematically targeting Latinos. Or, as Johnson so colorfully and allegedly called them, "taco-eaters".
"Their values are a lot different — their morals — than what we have here. In Mexico, there’s nothing wrong with having sex with a 12-, 13- year old girl. … They do a lot of drinking down in Mexico.”
Good thing Johnson is targeting all the Mexicans, and Mexican-looking people, in his little corner of North Carolina. I'd hate for that fine Southern state to get a reputation for excessive alcohol use and underage girls. Imagine what would happen if an entire society got tarred with that image and you couldn't pretend you could pick them out by the color of their skin? It would be TRAGIC.
And finally, remember that time that the right tried to make an issue out of Obama's insufficient fealty to Israel? That time he didn't meet Netanyahu, and they made epic laundry lists of things he thought were more important than Israel, which is of course tied with the United States for bestest and most important country on the planet?
Well, a lot of the usual suspects, including the Drudge Report and Fox and Friends, used a tweet from the Obama campaign to say Obama had time to celebrate Talk Like A Pirate Day, but no time for Netanyahu. Which would have been completely fucking stupid even if it had been true.
But, of course, it wasn't true. The picture in the tweet was a joke picture from 2009, from the White House Correspondents' Dinner, of Obama meeting a pirate. Oh, if only there was some way for the press to know what happened two years ago at an event exclusively for the press! But that magic doesn't exist, so all they could do was logically assume that Barack Obama was snubbing the Israeli prime minister so he could, deliberatly, stage photo op with a guy in a pirate costume.
These people wouldn't be trusted to valet-park tricycles at an elementary school, but they get to be on television. It never stops being hilarious.