Speaking Of Mindless Hordes...

« October 2012 »

Memo to Christian Toto and Big Hollywood readers: THANK YOU.

One week to go, and I don't know about you, but I am burned right the fuck out. This election is clearly not being decided based on any issue or factor I comprehend, much less give a shit about. Nate Silver is battling the title of this column in a classic battle of math versus dread, and really, the only solution is to sit back, relax, and let Big Hollywood's response to the Joss Whedon video wash over me.

The best thing about the Joss Whedon video is that if you have half a clue, you know exactly how much of it to take in the spirit in which it's intended, and how much of the rest of it to take seriously. And the only way you could be butthurt by it is if you were some kind of combination hyperpartisan wingnut and brain-damaged moron. You know, like Big Hollywood's Christian Toto.

"Tongue in cheek? Sure. Silly, unhinged, devoid of facts and just plain absurd? To quote a certain Tea Party favorite, you betcha."

Well, that certain Tea Party favorite is also a fucking idiot. It would only be "unhinged" if Whedon believed his hyperbole the way the Tricorner Hat Brigade does. "Just plain absurd?" No. Absurd, yes, but the absurdity is neither plain nor the only thing going on.

Most of the adjectives Toto uses aren't even derogatory. His weird, failed attempt to try to be dismissive about the Whedon broadside is telling on a psychological and intellectual level. Especially this bit.

"He gets off a few cute zingers, but it's as desperate as Barbra Streisand sending SOS letters to Democrats begging for campaign donations."

Speaking of things I'm sick to fucking death of, the word "desperate". It's third grade Internet jujitsu that dates from the turn of the millennium, for fuck's sake. And the wingnut version of it is even more debased.

"That clever turn of phrase just shows how desperate you are. We're winning! Those facts you point out just show how desperate you are. We're winning!"

Any time a liberal says anything bad about Romney, it's a sign that Romney is surging. Anytime anyone says anything bad about Romney, that makes them a liberal. Therefore, the more bad things there are to say about Romney, the better he must be!

And it wouldn't be a Big Hollywood article without legions of commenters pretending to promise not to give Whedon any more money because he's such a mean, desperate liberal.

"it makes one think he has no self awareness - because everything that he has written over the last 20 plus years supports individualism, freedom, and going up against big gov and big evil." - "IMSTEPH", who I can only conclude was the mummified head of an Egyptian fraternity.

Except, you know, you don't fucking get "individualism" just because you say you do, and say that anyone who thinks society involves cooperation is some kind of commie. Same with freedom. Same with going up against government and evil, which are bad not because of their size, but because of the bad things they do. Lack of awareness is at the heart of the problem, but it's not Whedon's, and it's not self.

"He is an atheist. Hope doesn't exist in atheism. Logical actually." - "Mr. Sottobanco", furthering a common misconception.

Atheists have hope. It's just somewhat atrophied and withered as a result of reading and hearing a non-stop firehose of idiocy coming from non-atheists telling atheists what they do and do not believe in. It's not the lack of a god that takes away our hope, it's the abundance of Sottobancos on the Internet.

"No, Joss, you are mistaken. The zombie apocalypse you describe is actually life under a second Obama term. You, sir, are a Walker, (i.e., in "The Walking Dead"). And Romney (as Rick), and Ryan (as Daryl Dixon) with his crossbow, are the leaders of the survivors, the American People." - "Sally".

Thank you, Sally. The utter pathos expressed by your clumsy rejoinder is going to fuel me for this last pre-election stretch. For the first time in your life, your inability to not suck has served a useful purpose.