Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

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Memo to the McCain clan and John Sununu: I'M SO SORRY YOU'RE SO DUMB.

The theme for today's column is apologies, which is appropriate, because I'm posting this column on a Saturday out of a vaguely apologetic sense of guilt for not being able to write and post it for Friday. American politics has a lot to apologize for, which is why it's so goddamned surprising that they're all so horribly bad at it. SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY SATURDAY!

First, I'd like to keep talking about Richard Mourdock, because, well, I think it's funny. Anyway, in the middle of the whole thing, John McCain demanded an apology from Mourdock, prompting this tweet from his daughter, Meghan, who is a lady with lady parts. ACTUAL TWEET TIME!

"I hope the rest of Republican leaders will follow my fathers lead and demand an apology from Richard Mourdoch for his comments."

I'm not going to fault her for getting Mourdock's name wrong. I've had a hell of a time typing it myself, although, you know, I like to check my shit before it goes out unlike some people. But here's the thing. John McCain is a fucking whore who wants you to think he's a respectable lady of culture and substance.

He is not a maverick. He is not someone who does the right thing regardless of politics. He does everything he does with politics in mind, and his image at the forefront. And Meghan's following in his footsteps, trying to position herself as the modern Republican woman, not terrified of de-aproned vaginas in the workforce going around not being date-raped.

But a hilariously awesome thing happened. Shortly after that tweet, John McCain threw his support behind Mourdock, claiming he had not seen Mourdock's apology while he was traveling. You saw that apology on Thursday. It was wholly insufficient to meet any kind of demand that was meant in earnest, of course. But it was good enough for John McCain, because the election's in ten days and Mourdock is a Republican.

Meghan McCain has been silent on her father's new stance, at least on Twitter, because the apple does not fall far from the tree, and some things are more important than the forced birther attitude towards rape babies.


John Sununu is still a racist. When Colin Powell endorsed Barack Obama, I proposed a little game on Twitter - which you probably know because only Twitter people know a Saturday column is going up - where you try to find a newspaper story on Powell's endorsement WITHOUT a racist in the first five comments.

And I'm proud to say, my hometown rag, the Star Tribune, had "he only did it because they're both black" or equivalent sentiment in the VERY FIRST COMMENT. Suck it, amateurs.

But I was a bit surprised to see John Sununu make that same claim on CNN, of all places. Here's what the actual conversation was, because this will be hella important in another paragraph or two:

"SUNUNU: You have to wonder whether that’s an endorsement based on issues or that he’s got a slightly different reason for President Obama. MORGAN: What reason would that be? SUNUNU: Well, I think that when you have somebody of your own race that you’re proud of being President of the United States — I applaud Colin for standing with him."

OK. You can all read. Sununu implied there was a reason, other than issues, for Powell to support Obama. Piers Morgan, knowing exactly what he meant because he hacked Sununu's cell phone, pressed for specifics, and Sununu said the answer was that they were the same race.

Here's Sununu's "apology".

"Colin Powell is a friend and I respect the endorsement decision he made, I do not doubt that it was based on anything but his support of the President’s policies. Piers Morgan’s question was whether Colin Powell should leave the party, and I don’t think he should."

That, ladies and gentlemen, is a lie from Mitt Romney's campaign co-chair that would make Mitt Romney balk, and Mitt Romney knows a thing or two about dissembling. But Sununu will get away with it because, first, it's too close to the election, and second, everyone gets away with everything. So, you know. Enjoy your weekend.