Mainly On The Rolling Plains

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Memo to David Sorenson: YOU ARE LAUGHABLY DESPERATE.

They say that all politics are local, and I believe them, because local politics are fucking stupid. You know one place local politics are fucking stupid? Maine. You know why local politics in Maine are fucking stupid? Well, there's a Maine Republican Party there. But that's not the whole story. The Maine Republican Party has decided on a unique new line of attack against Colleen Lachowicz, a Democrat running for state Senate.

The attack... oh, who am I kidding. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"In Colleen's online fantasy world, she is Santiaga, an Orc Assassination Rogue." - Ads from the MRP, on both the web and in print mailers.

Yes, Colleen Lachowicz plays World of Warcraft. This is not entirely unsurprising. World of Warcraft has been around a ridiculous amount of time. Two presidential elections. I'm surprised a player hasn't run for public office before. Or maybe they have, and only the Maine Republican Party was douchey enough to try to portray a harmless recreational activity as a sign of violent instability.

But wait, there's more! Lachowicz also... wait for it... TALKS SHIT ONLINE. And not in the way respected Republican senator Chuck Grassley does, actually taking the contents of his diaper, flinging it against the walls, and tweeting it. Look at the inflammatory comments the Republicans filled an entire website with, that they bought a domain for and everything.

"That means I stab things... a lot. Who would have thought that a peace-lovin', social worker and Democrat would enjoy that?"

I know who would have thought that. Anyone who's ever played a real proper modern video game since, oh, Mortal Kombat came out. The more interesting thought is, who would have highlighted this passage in order to scare and freak out a bunch of flannel-cap-wearing, can't-get'theah-from-heah, sixty-year-old maple suckers from South Canada?

Who would then go out to highlight Facebook admissions of slacking off at work, wanting to drown Grover Norquist in a bathtub, wanting to ream John McCain a new asshole, and "getting heavier in the assassination tree", even though all these things make perfectly reasonable sense in context and are utterly unremarkable?

A douchebag, or, as they're called in Maine, a real syrupsack, named David Sorenson, who has spent years grinding to a Level 3 Spokesman for the Maine Republican Guild. How does he justify this line of attack?

"These are some very bizarre and offensive comments, and they certainly raise questions about Lachowicz's maturity and her ability to make serious decisions for the people of Senate District 25."

First of all, it's the Maine state senate. Any serious decisions it somehow manages to make will be overturned by Maine's batshit insane governor, who, as far as I know, manages to be a disgrace to reason without playing anything more hardcore than Angry Birds Rio.

And second of all, the reason he had to say the comments "certainly" raise questions, because they "certainly" do no such fucking thing. The only question it raises is "have you met anybody under the age of 50?" Everyone else understands that sometimes you talk on the Internet about how you don't wanna be at work and how much you like playing video games.

But, to give Sorenson the benefit of the doubt, he's a Republican. He's met very few people under 50, and most of those have been young Republicans, who still think it's important to beat up nerds in the locker room. He might not be familiar with modern human cultural norms.