Kindergarten Cop's Got Tenure

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Memo to F. Scott Fitzgerald: F. UCK YOU.

F. Scott Fitzgerald is famous for saying "There are no second acts in American lives". This has frequently been applied to politics. And it is clearly bullshit, because if there are no second acts, and presumably, no acts subsequent to the second, then why the fuck am I reading about Arnold Schwarzenegger's think tank?

And no, not in the Onion. In an actual newspaper. Arnold Schwarzenegger just started a motherfucking think tank. How does an action-movie star, love-child father, and failed celebrity governor get a think tank? Funny, that.

"For the former Republican governor, the symposium marked a sudden public re-emergence after leaving office nearly two years ago with a mixed record that he suggested Monday accomplished about half of what he had set out to do. He’s hoping that through the institute, created with a $20 million commitment from Schwarzenegger and others, he can accomplish the rest... - The Associated Press.

If you need another argument for taxing the rich, here's a big one. Maybe they shouldn't have twenty million dollars just lying around so that they can start think tanks. Especially ones dedicated to completing Ahnuld's work as governor, because apparently California still has half its teachers, half a budget, and is still half functional because Schwarzenegger couldn't finish the job.

Maybe you shouldn't be able to spend the money you made fighting off the Predator to start something called, I shit you not, the "USC Schwarzenegger Institute for State and Global Policy". Or maybe you should at least have to pass a test first. You know, like correctly pronouncing "USC Schwarzenegger Institute for State and Global Policy".

The gig also involves Schwarzenegger actually teaching classes at USC. Normally, that would only require a $15 million endowment, but Schwarzenegger had to cover the costs of new rape whistles for all incoming students during his entire tenure at the school.

So what's the goal of the Global Realignment and Open Policy Endowment? Let's go back to the AP, where the reporter probably had an erection while he wrote:

"The man who never tires of telling people he’ll be back returned again Monday, this time as a global policy wonk and statesman dedicated to leading America into what he calls a new post-partisan era."

Listen and understand. The dream of a new post-partisan era is out there. It can't be bargained with. It certainly can't be reasoned with. It doesn't recognize common sense, political reality, or pain. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, even after John McCain and David Brooks are dead.