Coffcoffbullshitcoffcoffman

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Memo to Mike "Jack" Coffman: WOW.

Yesterday, discussing Colorado congressman Dan Coffman's flirtation with birtherism in front of his base, and his attempt to make it go away once people outside of his base saw it. His official statement was that he misspoke and he apologized. This caused me to state:

"...everyone who goes into politics is getting a shock collar, and every time they say "misspoke" when they mean "pandered", "lied", or "said what I actually think", they get a shock."

Well, Mike Coffman is clearly afraid of just this outcome, because Tuesday night, he quintupled down in front of a local news reporter, Kyle Clark. Enjoy ACTUAL TRANSCRIPT TIME!

KYLE CLARK: Alright, fantastic. Why don't we head right over here so we're out of the way. Thank you for your time. I apologize for showing up unannounced. I've been trying to call your staff. They won't return my phone calls. Let me ask you, after your comments about the President, do you feel voters are owed a better explanation than just, I misspoke?

REP. COFFMAN: I think that... Umm... I stand by my statement that I misspoke and I apologize.

KYLE CLARK: OK. And who were you apologizing to?

REP. COFFMAN: You know, I stand by my statement that I misspoke and I apologize.

KYLE CLARK: I apologize, we talk to you all the time, you're a very forthcoming guy. Who's telling you not to talk and to handle it like this?

REP. COFFMAN: I stand by my statement, that I wrote, that you have, and I misspoke and I apologize.

KYLE CLARK: Was it that you thought it would go over well in Elbert County where folks are very conservative and you'd never say something like that in the suburbs?

REP. COFFMAN: I stand by my statement that I misspoke and I apologize.

KYLE CLARK: Is there anything I can ask you that you'll answer differently?

REP. COFFMAN: You know, I stand by my statement that I misspoke and I apologize.

KYLE CLARK: Thank you, congressman.

This is, of course, completely fucking unacceptable. Everyone in America can agree that, regardless of party affiliation, this is not the kind of behavior we demand from our elected officials. Right? Do you honestly think I'd be typing this sentence if the local news website where I got the transcript didn't also have a link that said "Comments (37)" on it? Let's go to the tape!

"Why doesn't Kyle Clark go down to Colorado Springs today and ask Obama how he got into Occidental College when Obama admitted in Dreams of my Father that he rarely attended school the last 2 years while attending high school and then Obama admits of Smoking refer and Blow on a regular basis. Yes, take Penn questions, Do you Barack Obama believe you would be President today if you got caught smoking refer and doing Blow?" - Chad Ladwig, who also attempted to immunize Coffman against legitimate criticism by mentioning his military service.

I love this, because Ladwing asks if Obama could have become President if he'd gotten "caught" doing something (the dreaded Refer and Blow, which I'm assuming is a failed pilot for USA Network) he admitted doing in a book everyone read before he became president. That's a carefully calibrated level of intelligence, right there - smart enough to answer your own question, but dumb enough not to realize it.

"Congressman Coffman apologized and that is all that is needed. All politicians make comments they wished they had not made - Vice President Biden said the "F" word and all was forgiven!" - Jeanne Delullo, who actually appears to fucking believe that's the same fucking thing even though it's not even in the fucking ballpark.

I'm not even going to dignify the dipshit who cited "57 states" with a quote. Get new material!

"Coffeman DID handle that well, he could have been rude, kept walking, or became physical, pushing the camera away and pushing Kyle out of the way." - Josh Acton, carefully measuring the height of the ethical bar members of Congress have to clear with an electron microscope.

And let's give Dale Paulson the last words, because, well, I've read them and you need to.

"Think you are "in tight" with the Congressman's opposition just like the national media is and want to get any kind of "dirt" you can on him. You probably would not be the least bit interested to know Pres. Obama changed his name in 1984 to Barrock Hussain Obama in Canada. This is a fact. You can look it up. It has been said by "Political Analystist" This upcomming election will be one of the nastiest dirtest campaigns in U.S. History!"

Oh, fuck. It's been said by Political Analystist! He's one of the foremost analystists in the entire political! If Political Analystist has determined that the President thought it would be funny in the 80s to have his name officially spelled wrong in Canada, it MUST BE TRUE!

It's possible I may have mentioned this nearly 2,000 times in the past, but man, people are fucking stupid.