Wag The Dog

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Memo to the American Right: I'M NOT SURPRISED, BUT I'M A BIT DISAPPOINTED.

And let's face it, for me to actually be disappointed by the American Right means they've done something particularly pathetic. I mean, more pathetic than the James O'Keefe ACORN thing, more pathetic than pretending Herman Cain was a serious intellectual, more pathetic than the normalization of Rick Santorum. Pretty fucking pathetic.

I am, of course, talking about the "Obama Eats Dogs" meme now racing throughout the right.

You see, Obama wrote a book, "Dreams From My Father", In it, he recounts the part of his childhood when he lived in Indonesia. Four years ago, the time in Indonesia was all about whether or not Obama went to a "madrassa", which is like a school, only totally evil. This time, it's about the bit where Obama admits to having tried dog, snake, and grasshopper there.

This passage has been in the book for seventeen years. Why's it coming up now? Well, see, Mitt Romney has a bit of a dog problem, because in 1983, he strapped his dog to the roof of his car for a long drive, and when the dog's terror-shit started running down the back of the family car, Mittens pulled over, hosed off the dog and the car, and started off again.

This story paints a negative picture of then 36-year-old Romney and his callous attitude towards his pet. It's not a particularly important reason to dislike Romney, all things considered, but it's a visceral one. And since Romney is running the cable-access version of the Karl Rove "attack your opponent for your own weaknesses" strategy, the Romney camp seized on the dog-meat line as "proof" that Obama is much meaner to dogs than Romney was.

Of course, Obama lived in Indonesia between the ages of six and ten, and was living in a part of the world where the notion of acceptable sources of protein was different from ours, and in any case, it's not like Obama had any more control over his diet than any other six-year-old does. But OBAMA ATE DOGS!

The right-wing collective lizard brain grabbed hold of this tight, of course, because it's more evidence that Obama is blweird, blunamerican, bloreign, and blifferent.

Sarah Palin, who, let's recall, flips her shit when anyone criticizes the behavior of children when the children are hers, brought it up in her own inimitable style. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!"I hope his wife ... sends him to the doghouse -- as long as he's not eating the dog, along with his former boss."

How pathetic is this? She brought it up when being asked about the Secret Service agent who stiffed the hooker. The agent used to be on the Palin detail. See how she oh-so-subtly made sure to get the "Obama Eats Dogs" meme there? With that incredible political acumen, it's a wonder she's not President already.

And of course Big Hollywood got in on the action, blending the pathetic dog-eating story with their own pathetic obsession with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, asking the question "Do Stewart and Colbert Know Obama Ate A Dog?" A question I will answer for them. Yes.

They probably know it because they actually read Dreams From My Father years ago, when it was a big deal. See, Stewart and Colbert and their staff read books, rather than relying on other people to read them, pull a few sentences out of them, and tell everyone else what those sentences mean about the blesident.

What John Nolte is really asking is why all the LIBERAL MEDIA comedians aren't making fun of Obama for eating dog in Indonesia when he was a child. Nolte thinks it's because they're protecting Obama, while anyone with half a brain and a functional understanding of comedy knows that making fun of Obama for eating dog, when he did, where he did, and in the way he did, is something only a radical partisan bigot would do.

Expect to hear this mentioned repeatedly, as part of the background noise, until November and probably beyond. And every time you hear it, know that whatever mouth it came out of is a sad, pathetic mouth worthy only of your derision.