Everything's A Little Bit Political

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Memo to Chik Fil-A and Blak Fri-Day: YOU ARE DUMB.

I've been trying, on at least most alternate Tuesdays, to eschew politics in favor of the lesser stupidities. It's not easy. In the, what, seven years now? Holy shit. In the seven years I've been doing this, the world has changed, and I've changed, such that I don't find as much to be outraged about, outside the realm of politics. Politics is just so much dumber, although there is something to be said about how The Walking Dead glorifies the apocalyptic survival prospects of the unrepentantly dim.

Plus, it's tough to find stories that don't at least have a little politics in them. I mean, any story involving fast-food franchise Chik Fil-A, which injects Christianity into its business like it was sodium phosphate. Some of it falls under running your own business according to your own principles, and some of it crosses the line into Fucking Creepy. And some of their behavior doesn't seem Christian at all. Like threatening Bo Muller-Moore.

See, Bo Muller-Moore sells T-shirts. The T-shirts say "EAT MORE KALE". Chik-Fil-A doesn't sell kale. But they do sell chicken. And they have a slogan. That slogan is "EAT MOR CHIKIN". They want Muller-Moore to stop selling his T-shirts, and also turn over eatmorekale.com to Chik Fil-A, so that Chik-Fil-A can presumably use it to post vital information about how green leafy vegetables are poison, and processed chicken patties are the best source for Vitamin Yum.*

The part where it gets a little bit political is this bit of bullshit. From the Huffington Post article: "Chick-fil-A, which trails only Louisville, Ky.-based KFC in market share in the chicken restaurant chain industry, has a long history of guarding its trademark, and the letter listed 30 examples of attempts by others to co-opt the use of the 'eat more' phrase that were withdrawn after Chick-fil-A protested."

This is the kind of corporate bullshit that creates the environment for the Occupy movement. This is America. We didn't need Chik Fil-A to teach us to "eat more". We invented it. The phrase "eat more" should be in the public domain, the birthright of every single American citizen. Even if some hippie fruit wants to attach it to a vegetable that doesn't taste anything like a bacon double cheeseburger.

Somehow, the Chik Fil-A corporation has taken a basic concept and fundamental precept of American life, boiled it down to two words, spelled one of those words wrong, applied the concept to its own product, spelled its own product wrong, and and managed to run roughshod over 30 other people who dared suggest we eat more of something that's not CHIKIN.

That is fucked up.

Also fucked up? This weekend article from the AP, after a Black Friday that contained at least two pepper sprayings, multiple Taserings, and a shooting, pondering "How Did The Bargain Day Become So Violent?"

This is not fucking rocket science, people. First, you train an entire society to want stuff. Now, I like stuff. Stuff is cool. I am the product of, and part of the problem with, our materialistic society, but there's no denying it exists, and has certain downsides.

And one of those downsides is that sometimes, the economy goes to shit, and people can't afford stuff. So if you take, say, a couple of hundred people who can't afford stuff, and you dangle a couple of dozen items in front of them at a price they suddenly can afford, violence is the obvious and inevitable result.

Black Friday is basically corporate America, to steal an image from a beef jerky commercial and thereby slightly undermining my righteous point, FUCKING WITH SASQUATCH. It gets more audacious every year, and if the economy doesn't get better, and they keep doing it, it'll eventually erupt into a spontaneous orgy of looting. Which will be unfortunate, of course, but you won't be able to beat those doorbuster prices.

*At which point they'd get sued by the KFC parent company, of course.