Patty Flake

« August 2011 »


I thought I'd give this a while, just to be sure, but no, just as I suspected, Pat Buchanan is still on the payroll at MSNBC. You've got to love MSNBC. Call Laura Ingraham a "slut", you're off the air for a couple of weeks. Call the president a "dick", and you're off for a couple of months. Donate to political causes, and you end up working for another network.

Which is why it's awesome that every single day, a white supremacist terrorist sympathizer walks in, goes to makeup, sits in a chair, and tells a national audience what Mitt Romney needs to do to ward off Rick "The Alamoron" Perry. And yes, that's the official new nickname, sent in by reader @protognostic. It gets the Texas in, it gets the stupid in, and it at least implies that his current battle will not end well. Good enough for me.

Anyway, Pat Buchanan drawing a paycheck on MSNBC is like Fox... well, there really is no left-wing equivalent to Pat Buchanan that Fox could hire. Basically, Fox would have to somehow actually invent the machine from Weird Science, only instead of feeding it lingerie catalogs, they feed it all the crazy shit people have said about Barack Obama, creating an actual terrorist-palling socialist Muslim who wants to destroy America by taxing all the job creators. And then, having created this Frankenstein's Monster of caricatured liberalism, they gave him a prominent voice on their network and never mentioned how any of the stuff he thinks is, you know. Wrong.

I mean, I don't run MSNBC. I suppose I didn't need to say that. I could have just let you extrapolate it from the fact that you've never seen Dylan Ratigan selling his plasma. The point is, I may not know much about running a "liberal" cable news network, but I do know that a pretty hard and fast rule would be that if I was paying someone, and that someone wrote a column for WorldNetDaily, I would fucking well stop paying them.

Doesn't matter what it was, even. If WorldNetDaily thought this person's stuff was worth publishing, and this person thought it'd be a good idea to be associated with WorldNetDaily, the content would be a distant third in the Bad Judgment Marathon. Unless, you know, it were something really, astonishingly egregious. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"As for a climactic conflict between a once-Christian West and an Islamic world that is growing in numbers and advancing inexorably into Europe for the third time in 14 centuries, on this one, Breivik may be right."

You remember Breivik. I know it's old news, but he's the Norwegian wingnut who was so convinced there was a climactic conflict between a once-Christian West and an Islamic world that he shot a bunch of kids on an island because they were liberals.

In case you were wondering if I took that out of context, here's a quick paragraph by paragraph breakdown and translation of Buchanan's column, of which the above was the closer. The thing he wanted you to remember most, in other words.

Paragraphs 1-3 are a labored metaphor saying that Breivik was a "fire bell in the night" for Norway. Patty Patty Buch Buch is unclear on what, exactly, he is warning Norway about.

Paragraph 4 is a one-sentence recap of events. Paragraph 5 says he's not insane. Paragraph 6 says he was cold, calculating, intelligent, and his manifesto showed a solid grasp of European history. That would be the 1,500 page manifesto with big chunks plagiarized from the Unabomber. Also, Pat Buchanan abuses the ever-loving shit out of paragraph breaks, just so you know.

Paragraphs 7 and 8 are a straightforward retelling of Breivik's grievances. To call this retelling "sympathetic" would be reading into the plain text, but it wouldn't be an incorrect one, that's for damn sure. Paragraphs 9-12 are all "don't try to tie him to us, hippies!".

Paragraph 13 says the Muslims are coming. Paragraph 14 says that the occasional nutjob shooting children is bad, but man, those Muslims sure are coming. Then it's Muslims are coming, Muslims are coming, Muslims are coming, Norwegian police are pussies, then Norway sucks, then if Norway's so peaceful why did they send troops to Afghanistan and freedom bombs to Libya, then finally, Breivik was right. So one instance of calling him "evil, but smart", one instance of calling the shooting an "atrocity", and a whole bunch of the shit that drove Breivik to his shooting spree in the first place. Now that's what I call a quality MSNBC contributor!

For fuck's sake, he's got a book out called "Suicide Of A Superpower", which includes a chapter called "The End Of White America". That's pure unmitigated Demographic Winter stuff, which I know, because the chapter after it is called "Demographic Winter". Demographic Winter is when white people think that white people should have more babies, because if they don't, there won't be any white people left. And since Western civilization is all thanks to and about white people, then without more white babies, CIVILIZATION WILL FALL. Yeah. It's pretty fuckin' racist.

You know, like when he called Obama "boy" to Al Sharpton. Specifically, "your boy". I actually saw this live. Now, Buchanan says he meant "boy" in the boxing sense. I'm not even going to try to figure that out, because like I said, I saw it when it happened, and all I could think to do was pause, rewind, and try to see how hard Pat tried to keep himself from saying it. The answer? Not very. Needless to say, even if there was a way "your boy" was somehow a boxing term, it wasn't here.

All this is meant to illustrate a point. You can get in trouble on MSNBC for a lot of things. One of them is being liberal. One of them is being crude to conservatives. And one of them is being crude about Barack Obama. But nobody ever got in trouble on MSNBC by being too conservative, too racist, too crazy, or too wrong. And in that respect, it's not a counterpart to Fox. It's a cohort.