Your Fellow Man

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Memo to Kathleen Passidomo, Dan Ramos, and Bryan Fischer: YOU ARE HORRIBLE LITTLE FUCKERS.

People! We need them, I guess, since nobody is yet willing or able to download the consciousnesses of me and those I deem worthy into large war robots capable of ravaging the landscape and establishing a proper utopian meritocracy. Now, obviously, I don't actually want that to happen, but there is a certain class of people who certainly spur me to fantasize about it. They are awful fucking examples of the species, they are IDIOTS, and they SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"There was an article about an 11 year old girl who was gang-raped in Texas by 18 young men because she was dressed up like a 21-year-old prostitute. And her parents let her attend school like that. And I think it’s incumbent upon us to create some areas where students can be safe in school and show up in proper attire so what happened in Texas doesn’t happen to our students." - Florida State Rep Kathleen Passidomo, R-Obviously, justifying trying to legislate dress codes at public schools.

Now, normally, I'd be all for an arms race that involves Florida thinking it should get better so it's not as fucked up as Texas, especially if it's reciprocated. But I was thinking maybe it could be about stuff like infant mortality, willingness to secede, and electing shitty governors. Not a competition to see which state can try to enforce modesty codes that blame eleven-year-old girls for being gang-raped.

Oh, and by the way. I can see a horrible human being, a complete waste of skin and oxygen like Kathleen Passidomo, using the phrase "dressed up like a prostitute" in this context. But "21-year-old prostitute" is strangely specific. Is there a set of clothing that indicates that one is both willing to accept money for sex, and of legal age to buy alcohol? And for that matter, if a 21-year-old prostitute is gang-raped, isn't that also a crime and a horrible act? Also, what the fuck is wrong with Florida, just as a general question?

"They are all connected to the gay Democratic Party, the so-called Stonewall Democrats. Just like termites they managed to get some of their people in key positions. I liken them to the Tea Party — the Tea Party and the fucking Nazi Party — because they’re 90 percent white, blue-eyed, and Anglo, and I don’t give a fuck who knows that. Just like the blacks... they’re American, but you can’t get your way just because you’re black." - Bexar County Democratic County Chairman Dan Ramos.

Also, what the fuck is wrong with Texas? This is a Democrat, in a county in the San Antonio vicinity, talking like this? This was back in mid-March, by the way. Just last week, a panel recommended his removal, which won't happen until May 3, and Ramos plans to challenge it in court after that. That's bad enough, but how did he get the job in the first place? You don't hide that for years and then all of a sudden let slip to a reporter that gay people are NAZI TERMITES just like black people. Not without severe head trauma.

"The First Amendment was written by the Founders to protect the free exercise of Christianity. They were making no effort to give special protections to Islam. Quite the contrary," Fischer wrote on his Renew America blog. Islam has no fundamental First Amendment claims, for the simple reason that it was not written to protect the religion of Islam. Islam is entitled only to the religious liberty we extend to it out of courtesy." - Bryan Fischer, American Family Association.

No themed ISTDT based around the complete fucking dregs of humanity would be complete without Bryan Fischer, a dreg so dreggy that the dregs of humanity leave HIM behind when they scoop their cultural sludge from the communal pit of humanity. There's a reason Fischer is the current manifestation of everything I write this column to oppose. He's a willfully ignorant radical theocrat whose sole purpose in life is to enshrine his personal bigotries into law and insisting the whole time that he's the true America.

And Bryan Fischer is America. But he's slavery America. He's smallpox-blanket America. He's firehoses-and-dogs America. He's Abu Ghraib America. He's the part of America that wants to drag other parts of America behind his pickup truck and leave it tied to a fence. He believes that America is a heap, and rich straight white Christian males are holding that heap up through the sheer willpower of manifest destiny by parking their fat asses on top of it and kicking in the heads of anyone who dares climb too high.

He's the America we're constantly trying to leave behind. All of these people are. But what they lack in intelligence - and oh, what they lack in intelligence - they make up for in persistence.