If He Can Cop Out, So Can I

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Memo to Joystick Joe Lieberman: THERE IS AN APHORISM ABOUT ASSES AND DOORS.

And so, after 2012, we won't have Joe Lieberman to kick around anymore. Of course, none of us truly believe this. But the fact remains, Droopy Dog is quitting the Senate before he has a chance to lose re-election in 2012. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under Heaven. At the end of this term, I will have served 24 years in the U.S. Senate and 40 years in elective office. For me, it is time for another season and another purpose under heaven."

Well, at least he's quoting the Old Testament. Anyway, here's what I guaranfuckingtee you Joe Lieberman's purpose under heaven will be as of January 2013. He will become the Elder Statesman of Corporate Centrism. He's going to be the go-to guy when they need someone to go to to say how awful all this ideological partisanship is, and why can't we just round up all the brown people and bomb them and give tax cuts to millionaires because that's what the center wants.

In deference to Lieberman's efforts in fighting for the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, I will not go through years of hating his sorry ass, researching and rewriting all the shit I've called him out on over the years. But that doesn't mean I won't help you do it, if you want.

Why I call him "Joystick Joe".

Way ahead of the curve.

The whole primary-losing thing.

And a bit on the whole election-winning thing.

The thing that got re-elected.

The Lieberman-McCain circle jerk.

Cleaning up the aftermath of that jerk.

A bit of bullshit.

Joe loves torture.

Casual dickery.

Lieberman takes four out of four in ISTDT.

Only one slot, but it's a doozy.

Joe wouldn't be Joe without fucking up the mosque thing.

And, of course, Joe taking #3 in the Dumbest Motherfuckers Of The Decade.

And that's just the high points. Joe Lieberman, ladies and gentlemen. He'll never stop being a dickhead, but at least he'll finally stop being a senator.