Juan Williams Was Right!

« October 2010 »

Memo to the Texas school board and Family Security Matters: YOU ARE DUMB.

Every single day, as I sit quietly in my left-wing, multicultural complacency, it gets harder and harder for me to ignore the fact that Islamic jihadi hordes are at my doorstep, waiting to outbreed me and make me follow their oppressive sharia law so that they can annex my apartment to the global caliphate.

Luckily, my powers of ignoring are nigh-infinite, and even more luckily, there are devoted right-wing warriors keeping me safe every single day while I go on, blissfully unaware of the dangers posed by, say, Muslims on planes wearing Muslim garb that clearly proves they like their Muslim stuff more than our American stuff, and thus might blow up our American stuff.

Like the Texas school board. When I was growing up, my textbooks were all "Allah this", and "Mohammed that", and "jihad the other thing". That's how I got indoctrinated into the middle-aged liberal I am now, denying the dangers of demographic winter and those who hate us for our freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedoms. But the Texas school board has ensured that no other child will suffer my fate.

By a 7-5 margin, the board is now formally urging social studies textbook writers not to mention Islam so damn much. That's not a direct quote of the resolution, but it is a direct translation of the resolution's intent. ACTUAL NEWSPAPER PARAPHRASE TIME!

"'Diverse reviewers have repeatedly documented gross pro-Islamic, anti-Christian distortions in social studies texts,' the draft resolution says. The resolution also charges some texts present 'sanitized definitions of 'jihad' that exclude religious intolerance or military aggression.' It says textbooks devote more space to Islam and emphasize Christian violence against Muslims during the Crusades while downplaying or omitting similar actions by Muslims." - United Press International.

Look. I get that you think "jihad" is the worstest thing that could ever happen, and that Jesus is the bestest. I even understand why you want the textbooks to say that, even though neither of them are actually true. But the Muslims really never had an equivalent to the Crusades. A lot of bad shit has been done in the name of a lot of the world's religions, but the Crusades really were their own, special thing that Christianity gets all to itself.

Their other concern, by the way, is that Islam gets more words in world history textbooks than Christianity does. Seriously. It's like Shatner counting Nimoy's lines, then interrupting Gene's seduction of next week's new yeoman to complain. Never mind the fact that maybe Texas textbooks need more words on Islam because every single fucking day you spend in Texas is like reading two pages of a book about Christianity.

I don't know what they're worried about. Kids don't read textbooks anyway. Especially in Texas. But you know what they do read? Comic books. And luckily, there aren't any comic books teaching kids that Islam is OK. Well, OK, there's one. But don't worry, the jerkiest knees in the Christian-industrial complex, Family Security Matters, are on the case.

The case of "The 99", a comic by a Muslim about Muslim superheroes who embody the 99 traits of Allah. And since one of those traits is not "freaking the fuck out over Muslims in the public sphere", it was left to FSM to don its cape, tights, and velvet-lined codpiece to do battle. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"Are we going to see ass-kicking Christian superhero nuns, called Faith, Hope and Charity, whooping sinner's butts and sending Satan into Hell? It is doubtful. This disparity is one of the worst things affecting society at present. Christianity and Judaism do not get featured in mainstream media, but Islam is not only depicted in all strands of the media, it is being promoted by a president who seems to have forgotten what he swore to uphold when he entered office. If Obama can promote Islam, he should also publicly promote Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism and every other faith. The fact that he does not is a very worrying development in politics." - Adrian Morgan, "editor", Family Security Matters.

You know where Obama "promoted" The 99? At a conference of Muslim entrepreneurs. In other words. Obama was praising a private company for making money promoting Muslim media to a Muslim audience. Also, we've already seen the ass-kicking Christian superhero. Willie Aames as Bibleman. Who I'm sure Obama would have praised if he'd been president fifteen years ago, and if Bibleman hadn't sucked.

Also, "Christianity and Judaism do not get featured in mainstream media"? First, The 99 isn't mainstream media, it's a comic book. Stagnant creek media, more like. Second, like fuck they don't. I understand that maybe your particular sect of woman-hating, gay-hating, other-hating, 1950s-era uber-Jesus worship may be under-represented these days, but you only think it's disproportionate because you're deluded into thinking you're still the majority. And don't complain on Judaism's behalf. I'm pretty sure if they feel wronged, they'll speak up.

But if the Muslims get a comic book, or more lines than Jesus in a textbook a bunch of junior rodeo clowns skim through, Western civilization is doomed. I'm glad these assholes are watching out for this shit, because I have better things to do.