Focus On The Failure

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Memo to The Situation, Democrats, and Democrats: YOU ARE DUMB.

Failure. It's a concept with deep roots in our culture, from phrases like "Failure is not an option" and "Epic fail" all the way up to the life of Andrew Breitbart. And it's been a rich, succulent week for failure, as evidenced by this failure-themed edition of SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY!

First, the success of failure. Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino's iPhone app is now one of the top ten entertainment apps on iTunes. The Situation has a top-selling app. Let's take a moment to reflect on the bizarre, and some might say wildly improbable, series of events that led to this.

First, Jersey Shore had to happen. Then, Jersey Shore had to not stop happening. Then, someone had to decide that The Situation needed an iPhone app. I'm guessing this person wasn't Mr. Situation. And then, someone had to CODE this iPhone app. And I'm positive that wasn't Mr. Situation, because the only code he's familiar with is getting ripped on code medicid.

Continuing on that vein - iPhone coders are presumably nerds, and I would hope, like all good nerds, they would not be Jersey Shore fans. Yet they still had to code features like locating the nearest gym, tanning salon, and laundromats. Seriously. And an exercise routine. And a game called "Grenade Dodger". And the obligatory soundboard. And of course, the means to e-mail The Situation directly, which may be the single most futile act our society has concocted.

And then, when it was done, MTV had to decide to charge FIVE DOLLARS for it. And then, and this is the part that really gets me, enough people with the technical proficiency to enter payment information into iTunes and enough skills to earn five spare dollars BOUGHT THE FUCKING THING.

Our species probably shouldn't be allowed to have technology, you know.


Don't Ask, Don't Tell is still law. Even with it attached to MONEY FOR OUR TROOPS, the Republicans got away with another 41 votes for gayhate. Some of them actually used the "attach it to the defense bill" excuse to COVER for their gayhate. So thanks, Democrats, for botching yet another political maneuver that worked every single time the Republicans used it. And thanks for wasting your months with 60 votes fucking around doing nothing.

Oh, and maybe, if you want to get Don't Ask, Don't Tell repealed, maybe you shouldn't hire people like Gen. James Amos to run the Marines. Because Obama's pick came out AGAINST the repeal of DADT right before the Senate started their lengthy process of doing nothing. You shouldn't put him in charge if he thinks it, and you REALLY shouldn't put him in charge if he won't shut up about thinking it.


And speaking of not getting anything done, neither the House or the Senate Democrats apparently have the balls to try to vote for tax cuts for the middle class before the November elections. It's like they're Evel Knievel, trying to jump the enthusiasm gap, and they keep yelling "MAKE IT WIDER!"

Now, I'm not going to be like every liberal blog I read today, and carefully reason out why this is some huge, inexplicable political blunder that turned a situation that was impossible to lose into one that was impossible to win, leading to the loss of even more seats in November. That's crazy talk. There's no such thing as a situation Democrats can't lose. If they'd held the vote, passed tax cuts for everyone making 250K or less, gotten Republicans to capitulate, and then adjourned before the elections, the Republicans would still have found a way to turn it into puppy rape, and it would have worked.

But I'm allowed to be defeatist - I'm a cynic and a liberal. I'm barely allowed to be anything else. So I really wish I could understand the Democrats' thinking on this. About all I can manage is that they're hoping to actually let all the Bush tax cuts expire, blaming it on Republicans and reaping the rewards of the lowered deficit in 2012. Which wouldn't be that awful an idea if they could pull it off.

But from where I'm standing today, it looks like typical cowardice and incompetence. And failure.