The Purity Of The Essence Of Purity

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Memo to Nick Newcomen: YOU ARE DUMB.

Sometimes, the three quotes that make up the Wednesday tradition are tied together with a strong theme, like an iron band around a barrel. Sometimes, they're tied together with a weak theme, like a twist tie around a bundle of Slinkies. And sometimes, as Sigmund Freud once said, sometimes three quotes are just three quotes penis. IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS.

"The main reason I did it is because I am an Ayn Rand fan. In my opinion if more people would read her books and take her ideas seriously, the country and world would be a better place — freer, more prosperous and we would have a more optimistic view of the future." - Nick Newcomen, explaining himself.

What did Nick Newcomen, Ayn Rand nerd supreme, do to convince everyone that Ayn Rand fans are free, prosperous, optimistic people we should take seriously and emulate? He drove all across America with a GPS tracker so that when you look at his path on Google Earth, it spells out 'READ AYN RAND".

When asked why he didn't just use an atlas, Newcommen shrugged. Thank you! I'll be here all week! Don't tip your wait staff, they need to be free to pursue their own rational self-interest.

What cracks me up about this is that he actually did it. He actually plotted the route and made the drive in order to create an image that you can only see... ON A COMPUTER. He could have done this with MS Paint and had the exact same effect, but he didn't. And from this we can conclude that Randevotees are deeply, objectively stupid.

"I’ve heard people accuse President Bush of going to Iraq for their oil. That didn’t happen. We didn’t get the oil." - T. Boone Pickens, portraying this as a bad thing.

OK, I know this is the second time I've ragged on Pickens for publicly stating that we're entitled to Iraq's oil because so many of our soldiers died on account of the Iraqi's inexplicably fighting back when we invaded them, but seriously, fuck T. Boone Pickens right in his pickhole.

How much money did this asshole spend on all those commercials trying to convince us he was a benevolent capitalist who just wanted a clean, safe, non-partisan energy policy for America? I'm so glad I never fell for that shit. You don't get to become a billionaire oil man AND care about the future of the species. Shit doesn't work that way.

"Here's a thought: The 70% of Americans who oppose what amounts to an Islamic Niketown two blocks from ground zero are the real victims of a climate of hate, and anti-Muslim backlash is mostly a myth." - Jonah Goldberg, a man I wish I'd been the first to dub "Doughy Pantload".

That's not a thought. That's a wish. That's a fucking fever dream. That's taking conservative "reverse racism" victimhood to an exciting new low. You know who's a victim of a climate of hate? The Muslims in Tennessee whose construction equipment got torched in an arson. Or the Sikh in Seattle who got punched and called a member of Al Qaeda because some Pacific Northwest cariboufucker saw a turban.

Goldberg "proves" his "point" with a bunch of bad math based on old FBI hate crime statistics, calls 9/11 a "real hate crime", and then rambles on about how America is great and Muslims are awful and it's not Islamophobic at all for a bunch of Americans to say that America is great and Muslims are awful.

If Jonah Goldberg can't see a climate of hate, it's because Jonah Goldberg is acclimatized to hate. It's the same reason he can't taste bacon anymore.