The Best Possible Reason

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Memo to wavering progressives: JUST PASS IT.

Haven't talked about health care in a while, for obvious reasons - the national "debate" has been even worse than usual for months now, and it's not going to get better. The Democrats have decided on reconciliation, and all that really needs to happen at this point is for House Democrats to hold together a majority.

This would of course be easier if they weren't Democrats. Now, I will never be able to convince Bart Stupak and his cadre of anti-choice conservative Democrats that it's OK if money women save on their regular insurance thanks to subsidies might get spent on abortion coverage. I will also never be able to kick him in the balls and make him pay out of pocket for the hospital bill because he failed to get special individual coverage for his reproductive organs.

But maybe, just maybe, I can convince progressive Democrats like Dennis Kucinich, who want to kill the bill that it isn't good enough, that it is. And not with some half-assed bullshit about the perfect, the good, and whose enemy is whose. If you think the policy in the bill is shitty, fine. I'm not that far off from you. No, I have an ironclad, rock-solid reason why every Democrat should get on board the health care train. It will make their lives infinitely easier come November.

Not because the American people will be grateful for their new awesome health care, because they won't. But the sooner you pass this, the sooner your opponents will freak the fuck out about it. If they do half the shit they're promising to do, all you need to do is point a camera at them and approve this message, and you will be GOLDEN.

It'll start with the true believers - the teabaggers and fuckwits, the Victoria Jacksons who know that Obamacare will break down their door and skullfuck them with a hammer-and-sickle penis. All the people who are dumb enough to believe that it violates the Tenth Amendment, or offends the sensibilities of the ghost of Benjamin Franklin, will be slithering into courtrooms filing frivolous lawsuits to overturn it. And who's helping convince them to do this? Every Democrat's unintentional best friend, Batshit Bachmann. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"Well, you’re right. It’s as though the people’s representatives are irrelevant because they want what they want and that has more in common with Chavez in Venezuela than it does with the way that we do business here in the United States. Yes, what, I believe, what could happen is if they decide to go down this very bad road, pass a rule that says that we’re just going to pretend that the bill is already passed, if they do that then American citizens have standing to sue against this bill because everyone will be negatively impacted because of the bill." - Michele Bachmann, on local right-wing radio.

Now, Bachmann was specifically talking about the latest procedural maneuver they're looking at to get the bill past the filibuster, but it doesn't really matter. Every single thing any Democrat tries to do is a breathtaking Constitutional travesty enacted by Hugo Chavez majoritarians. If not this, then the next thing, or the thing before, or the whole idea, or whatever. Keep on keepin' on, Michele, because the health care lawsuits will be uniformly mockable and hilarious, treated in much the same way as the Large Hadron Collider Will Kill Us All lawsuits.

And then there's the pledge, by numerous Republicans, that they're all going to campaign on repealing what they love to call Obamacare. And I say to them what you should be saying to them - bring it. Same with the teabagger revolutionaries. Even do the little Matrix hand gesture. Because as shitty as this health care bill is, there won't be a single American fucked over by it before November. And if you're going to run your entire campaign on repealing something that hasn't hurt anyone, the only people you're going to appeal to are the people who object to it on purely abstract grounds. And those assholes are already voting Republican.

So just fucking pass it already. You all abandon your principles every single time you walk into a thousand dollar a plate fundraiser, and you only do that to get re-elected. Abandon your principles here for the same reason, then, if you feel bad about it, get working on making it better. It'll be easier after the teabaggers all shit themselves and run around screaming in courtrooms and you reap the rewards in the midterms.