Anatomy Of A Dick Move

« March 2010 »

Memo to Itawamba Agricultural High School: YOU ARE DICKS.

Look, I'm no idealist. I don't expect any high school in Mississippi to be gay-friendly by default, and certainly not one named Itawamba Agricultural. But by now I'm sure you've heard the story of IAHS, their decision to prevent a lesbian student from attending prom with her girlfriend (and in a tux), and their subsequent escalation into dickery when the student didn't meekly fold.

A couple of years ago, I developed a litmus test for religion-based dickism, which goes like this:

"If you truly believe that your God or Gods will like you better as a result of fucking up someone else's day, there is something wrong with you, your particular sub-brand of religion, or, most likely, both."

When they enforced their ban on same-sex dates and told Constance McMillen she couldn't bring her girlfriend to the prom, they were ruining her day to make their God happy. And therefore, they are dicks.

When, however, they CANCELED THE PROM so that they couldn't be forced into letting her attend by legal action, they didn't just ruin her day, they ruined the entire school's day. And did so with pure spite and venom, knowing that the students wouldn't place the blame where it belongs, squarely on their pigfucking administration - but on the lesbian who "caused" all this in the first place. And that makes them huge dicks. Gargantuan wangs. We're talking about is-that-a-hundred-page-discrimination-lawsuit-in-your-pocket-or-are-you-just-happy-to-see-me level bonerhood.

And to further the dickishness, they're claiming they're cancelling the prom because of "distractions to the educational process". Shall we enumerate the ways in which this is bullshit? I think we shall. The prom is not an educational event. Well, OK, it's not part of the curriculum. I think we all learned things, most of them hundreds of times more horrifying than a lesbian in a tuxedo, at our proms. But none of that was on the final, is what I'm saying.

They can't be worried about distraction, for two reasons. The first reason is that even in rural Mississippi, the teachers and administrators have to know that canceling prom will in fact be a huge educational distraction that will extend from the decision to cancel the dance until the dance itself, and for weeks afterward. Even most hicks understand rudimentary cause and effect to that degree.

And second, any time you hear the word "distraction" as a reason in an official announcement, it's bullshit. In politics, it's code for "people are yelling at me and nobody has by back", but nobody says that when they resign, they say they've "become a distraction". Or, in the case of that Utah lawmaker who admitted he'd been paying for the silence of the woman he was naked in a hot tub with a couple decades ago... when she was 15, and he was old enough to make it gigacreepy? He'd been a distraction. It's not that paying off your underage skinny-dipping partner is WRONG, you see, it's just very, very distracting to the people around you.

Having wrung all the fun I can have out of the school's one meager quote, I find myself craving more, and I suspect you do too. So let's turn to where bigots love to play, the comments section of the USA Today story covering this kerfluffle, and let "tij" drop some of what "tij" mistakenly believes is science on us. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"These LHB people went through the usual phase in childhood of gender identity crisis and they have two choices to make whether to move in life acting as a male or a female. Then they choose the other and made a choice to have the same sex partner. This is called the sexual preference. These same sex relationships are what most of the society and Christians have a problem with and can hardly tolerate. I mean, the people can handle a man acting effeminate and a woman acting manly, but when you start seeing them kissing in public mouth to mouth, having sex, etc. then the story changes. It is like this homosexual behavior is being pushed to us by the gays and lesbians and on TV. You see same-sex couples kissing on TV everyday by straight actors. It is like PUSH marketing and many people are buying it and having LHB. I mean if that student girl is a real lesbian, then she should get herself ready for a sex-change operation. She does not even look or dress like a male. To distinguish the true gays and lesbians, they should have a sex-change operation paid for by the ACLU then they can officially be the other sex and would not have any more problems of having same sex relationships."

It's so cute when they try to pass as human. Look at it, making up little acronyms and medical terms as if it knows what the steaming fuck it is talking about. If lesbians want to go to the prom, all they have to do is plan ahead and make sure a doctor cuts their tits off well in advance of the big day. Because while rural Mississippi high schools understandably find a girl who's had Learned Homosexual Behavior taught to her by the television educationally distracting, they'll be open and tolerant after her sex-change operation. Voices in "tij"'s head 1, reality as we know it zero.