You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Boobs, Boobs, and More Boobs
Memo to Michele Bachmann, Steve King, and Charles LiMandri: YOU ARE DUMB.
I'm telling you, Wednesdays are blowing up large here at You Are Dumb Dot Net. Politicians, entertainers, public figures of all sizes and stripes, they want to be part of the next big thing, the movement, the phenomenon that is IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS. At least, I can only assume that's why they keep saying hilariously stupid shit. There might be some other reason I've overlooked.
"Steve King is mentioned as a potential nominee. I have a very high opinion of Steve King and his ability, so I would encourage him to consider any position for higher office" - Michele Bachmann, making her contractually obligated appearance in ISTDT.
This quote is notable for two reasons. First, it came in the context of Michele Bachmann saying she had no plans to run for president in 2012, which is the closest thing to a grip on reality she's had in her entire life. It also is a good reason to question the sanity of Bret Hayworth at the Sioux City Journal, who posed the question to her in the first place. We'll all know when Michele Bachmann announces her presidential, bid, Bret. It'll be like that shitty TV show, Flash Forward. Only instead of seeing two minutes of the future, the entire human race will double over in laughter simultaneously.
The second reason is that THIS is who Michele Bachmann thinks would make a great president:
"And the Matthew Shepard case, there’s been a fair amount of information that came out that that really wasn’t the motivation of the people who killed him, but they did receive the maximum penalty under the law." - Iowa Rep. Steve King, on WorldNetDaily radio.
I will say this in King's defense. Unlike Virginia Foxx, King didn't say this in Congress, where Shepard's mother could hear him. He said it un wingnut radio, where the audience of gay-bashers and closeted homophobes could lap it up.
Beyond that, however, fuck Steve King, and I hope he and his ilk live in constant fear, every single day, that the hate crimes law will be used against them. It never will be, unless they actually do commit a hate crime, but I hope they believe their ridiculous rhetoric just enough to feel some anxiety. Because while they won't actually be thrown in jail for thought crimes, there's no denying that every time Steve King opens his mouth, he commits a crime against thought.
"This is just the latest installment in K2 Production’s ongoing smear campaign against Carrie Prejean. They have proven, once again, that they will use whatever scurrilous accusations they can dredge up – or invent – to try and tarnish Carrie’s reputation and her good name. It is both appalling and pathetic to see K2 and their friends in Hollywood try to destroy this young woman simply for standing up for her beliefs." - Charles LiMandri, attorney for the summer's smash hit right-wing martyr, Carrie Prejean.
This quote is in response to one of the greatest lawsuits of all time - a suit filed by the Miss California USA pageant, asking for their $5,200 back from Miss Opposite Marriage.
Which $5,200 would that be, you ask? And since you were so polite, I will tell you. The $5,200 they loaned her to get her boob job. I can only assume they filed the lawsuit in Used-To-Be-Small Claims Court.
Personally, I think K2 Production, which I'm assuming is intentionally named after a humongous peak for comedy purposes, shouldn't settle for the money. They should take the tits back. Carrie Prejean's breast implants are like my laptop at work - they're technology provided by the employer so that the employee can do their job to the best of their ability.
Now, if I have a hissyfit at work because I'm passed over for a promotion, perhaps for saying something stupid and homophobic on national television, and then I storm off and quit my job, I don't get to keep the laptop. My employer does. It's not like she needs them in her new job. She's an inspirational and motivational speaker to fundamentalists and conservatives. And who's better at seeing women as more than the sum of their parts, overlooking their appearance, and judging them for their inherent worth as human beings than fundamentalists and conservatives?