Memo to the You Are Dumb Dot Net readership:

This morning, I will suspend my column and return to Minneapolis after making fun of our stupid-ass governor. I have spoken to other prominent comedy polemic columnists and informed them of my decision and have asked them to join me.

I am calling on the President to convene a meeting with the leadership from both tubes of the Internet, including Matt Drudge and myself. It is time for both parties to come together to solve this problem. I will bring the pretzels.

We must meet as Americans, not as Democrats or Republicans, awesome people or douchebags, and we must meet until this crisis is resolved. I am directing my minions to work with the Jawa Report and the commission on Internet comedy to delay Friday's column until we have taken action to address this crisis.

Also, Samba De Amigo came out for the Wii yesterday. It is vitally important that I take action to address the issue of Mexican Flyer being locked from the start.