Keeping Up Traditions

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Memo to Rock Band 2: YOU ARE NOT DUMB.

Those of you who have been with this column since the beginning know how this works. Ever since the release of the first Guitar Hero, when a new plastic guitar game hits shelves, the column, in a rare moment of reprioritization, takes a back seat. I love the five colored buttons, and with 70+ new songs to which I can press them, the only thing allowing me to even throw out the traditional half-assed bone is my distinct lack of bionic robot indefatigable hands.

So bone I throw, and since there is a musical theme, I thought I'd put up something I've been playing with for a while - the as official as such a thing can be You Are Dumb Dot Net soundtrack. Now, unfortunately, international copyright laws forbid me from linking directly to these songs, but six of them are available from iTunes (I'll mark those with an asterisk) and the other four shouldn't be too difficult to track down if you're handy with The Google.

1. Five Yards - TISM

From TISM's album, De Rigeurmortis.
"Be there no one on Earth but you / One thing shall still remain true / You're only five yards from a fuckwit."

2. Origin Of Species - MC Frontalot*

From Frontalot's album, Secrets From The Future
"This is still the curse of Copernicus that we suffer / Secular thought ought not to overflow its buffer / and run roughshod through the minds of you, the population / Heretics such as Dawkins and Sagan overstep their station"

3. Shitlist - L7*

From L7's album, Bricks Are Heavy
"When I get mad and I get pissed / I grab my pen and I write out a list / Of all the people who won't be missed / You've made my shitlist"

4. Airhead - Thomas Dolby*

From Dolby's album, Aliens Ate My Buick
"Quod erat demonstrandum, baby / 'Oooh, you speak French!'"

5. Rev. Jack And His Roamin' Cadillac Church - Timbuk 3*

From Timbuk 3's album, Eden Alley
"Ain't no use watchin the road, son / When you ride in his automobile / Cause we're all back seat drivers / and there's nobody at the wheel"

6. Six Guys, Ten Teeth - Paul And Storm*

From their album, Opening Band
"All you need's an attitude, a pickup, and a penis"

7. The Got No Shotgun Hydrahead Octopus Blues - David Baerwald

From Baerwald's album, Triage
"Cold war cowboys need another row to hoe"

8. Red War - Probot

From Probot's self-titled album.
"You feel the hate is for real / Cause red war will fall on my enemies"

9. W's Duty - Jonathan Coulton*

From Coulton's album, Thing A Week Vol. 1
"Duty duty duty duty duty everybody duty duty duty. Do our duty."

10. Methodist Coloring Book - Dead Milkmen

From the Dead Milkmen album, Metaphysical Graffiti, which ought to be on iTunes, dammit.
"Because God hates war, and God hates crime, but He really hates people who color outside the lines"

Go forth, seek out, and assemble to your heart's content. Me, I've got a merch girl to acquire.