« August 2008 »

Memo to America: YOU ARE DUMB.

Jesus H. Motherfucking Buddha on a Segway, that was, without a shadow of a doubt, the single stupidest week in the presidential campaign to date. And if a spot poll is correct, the American public sucked it up and begged for more. Thanks, everyone! For a little while there, I was starting to think there was no way you could fuck this one up, but American stupidity is pretty much the only remaining aspect of American life where we can overcome odds and accomplish the impossible.

This is, of course, abut John McCain's new ads, which prove, as if it needed proving, that Obama is not only fighting the same uphill media battle that John Kerry fought in 2004 and Gore faced in 2000. But that battle has another ten or twenty degrees added to its slope thanks to Obama being black. It provides a whole new set of no-win scenarios the media can try to place him into, and let's face it, the media loves nothing more than placing Democrats in no-win scenarios.

McCain released a couple of ads last week, the basic message of which was that "Barack Obama thinks he's hot shit, but we all know better, don't we?" He used the now time-tested method of releasing a controversial ad on the Internet or a few small markets, spending very little money, and then letting the cable news channels fill their 24 hours a day arguing about the controversy. Clearly, the cable news people know they're being used. It's a tactic so blatant that even the world's most gullible rock would know it's being pulled on him. Even more clearly, the cable news people don't CARE they're being used, which amazes but does not surprise me.

The first ad compared Obama to Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. The second ad said that Obama thinks he's Jesus. But the most important thing about these ads is that there is absolutely no way in fucking hell Barack Obama would have gotten away with running them. I usually try to shy away from the "If a Democrat did this, they'd..." form of argument, because it's speculative, unprovable, and whiny, but let's face it. Six weeks ago, Wesley Clark got shamed into leaving the public eye by fake outrage over him saying something demonstrably true in direct response to a leading question by a reporter.

McCain said of the ads, "We were having some fun with our supporters that we sent it out to and we're gonna display a sense of humor in this campaign." And he gets away with it, just like he's gotten away with other jokes. You know, the ones about women getting beaten and raped and enjoying it, or the ones about killing Iranians with cigarettes. But I guaranfuckingtee you if Barack Obama were to crack a joke at the expense of McCain's public image, we'd hear about how horrible it was from every corner of the globe for weeks.

Look at what happened this past week. McCain puts out ads with imagery that sits behind the plausible deniability firewall and shoots Tasers right into the hindbrains of racists and end-times evangelicals. You've got Obama next to young white women. Obama thinking he's better than you. Obama rising to unite the world like the Antichrist. Obama responds, in part, by mentioning how his opponents are going to attack him for being different, for not looking like the usual Presidential candidate.

So Rasmussen does a poll this weekend, and 53% of respondents thought OBAMA was being racist, compared to 22% thinking McCain was being racist. Which points out that at least 53% of Americans have no fucking idea what the word "racist" means. It is not racist for a black presidential candidate to say that people are going to attack him for being black. Especially after months of being attacked for being black. But what the hell, what's one more double standard for Obama to have to dodge around on his way to the White House?

It's so fucking stupid. This week, we've been told that Obama's too popular to be President, that Obama's too good to be President, that Obama's too THIN to be president (I SHIT YOU NOT), that Obama's too much like an oversexed misbehaving starlet to be President, that he's too presidential too soon to be president, and that he's gonna steal all the white women and turn America over to the forces of Satan. Man, I sure am glad that we live in an equal and fair society where everyone has opportunity and the only thing keeping them from making the most of it is their own personal failings. USA! USA!