Two Jims And A Big Baby

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Memo to James Lileks, Karl Rove, and James Dobson: YOU ARE DUMB.

For those who wonder about such things, no, yesterday's lack of column was not a tribute to the death of George Carlin. Not that he's undeserving of tribute - I'm just saying the two events weren't related. I do think it's both fitting and sad that he died when he did, though. Sad, because he died before the stupidity he railed against had fully bottomed out and we perhaps started to climb out of the hole we've dug ourselves. And fitting, because he died with all his most cynical feelings about the state of the human race completely justified. And in honor of that, IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"I never heard Carlin be as hard on himself as he was on his favorite strawmen. That wasn’t his job, of course, and you can’t fault him for the routines he didn’t do. But the more you confront and accept your own human faults the less outrage you find in the small mishaps of others, and I never got the feeling Carlin spent a lot of time interrogating his own character with the same confident derision he brought to things much greater than himself." - James Lileks.

Fuck you, James Lileks. Not for speaking ill of the dead, a pastime which I support wholeheartedly and, I suspect, will engage in with great glee when YOU finally pass on to a magical land where all the people remember Paul Anka and serve Jell-O salads and nobody is black. No, fuck you for being such a condescending prick about it. With the faux-sympathetic bit about how maybe Carlin would have been nicer if he'd recognized his flaws - flaws which you yourself don't actually bother to fucking enumerate.

About the only bad thing Lileks points out about Carlin is that Lileks found his later, politically-charged work less funny and more lecture-y, which is what happens when someone who's right is yelling at someone who's wrong. That's not Carlin's fault. But don't worry, James. Carlin never expected you to listen, and in your posthumous ramblings, you've managed to help vindicate Carlin's work. Dipshit.

"Even if you never met him, you know this guy. He's the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini and a cigarette that stands against the wall and makes snide comments about everyone who passes by." - Karl Rove.

I'll give Karl credit where credit is due. Only the first sentence is racist. The rest of it is some of the weirdest fucking image-mongering I've ever seen, and that includes the entire rest of Turd Blossom's illustrious career. Is Karl Rove trying to turn us away from Barack Obama by telling us he's essentially a cross between James Bond and Jon Stewart? Because I'll forget that FISA bullshit in a minute if it means trading in the retarded brush-clearer for someone who hasn't run up a record class deficit in addition to all his other record deficits.

I mean, obviously, Karl's trying to tap some deep vein of doughy, middle-class American resentment here, but as someone who would never come within 1,000 feet of a country club willingly, if I were forced to be at one, I'd be desperately looking for the guy making fun of everyone else in the country club. And I'd endure second-hand smoke to join in.

"I think he's deliberately distorting the traditional understanding of the Bible to fit his own worldview, his own confused theology. He is dragging biblical understanding through the gutter. Am I required in a democracy to conform my efforts in the political arena to his bloody notion of what is right with regard to the lives of tiny babies?" - James Dobson

As irritating as this long election season is, you have GOT to love all these chances to see some of the most dominant rhetorical forces of the past decade, like Rove and Dobson, completely off their fucking game. First Rove attacks Obama for having metaphorical pretty girls date him, and now Dobson loses his shit because Obama mentioned his name in a speech about abandoning religious extremism in politics. And he does this by... being religiously extreme in politics. Even to a country deadened to hypocrisy, James Dobson accusing Obama of distorting the Bible will be the laugh line of the month.

Oh, and Dobsie? Let me answer your question. No, you aren't required to conform your efforts in a democracy. Assuming that means what I think it means. You do, however, have to be prepared to LOSE. And from the sounds of things, you've got a lot of preparing to do before November.