Well, God-lee!

« June 2008 »

Memo to Gomer H. Fucknuts: YOU ARE DUMB.

How long have we been fighting in Iraq? Five-plus years? Is half a decade somehow not long enough to pound certain basic strategic facts into the heads of the 150,000 service members over there? Like, oh, how bad it looks when you try to convert the locals?

The Marines aren't releasing the name or rank of the few, the proud, the utter dipshit who embellished his checkpoint duty in Fallujah with some passive-aggressive proselytizing, so I am forced to give him the nom de dumb. Gomer, after a fellow Marine, H, just like his favorite savior, and Fucknuts, for reasons that will shortly become obvious.

Fucknuts, you see, was handing out silvery coins to the Sunni Iraqis who passed through his checkpoint. On one side, in Arabic, that damn John 3:16 excerpt so common to conversion-freaks. And on the other side, also in Arabic, "Where will you spend eternity?", the answer to which in Fallujah tends to be "I don't care, as long as it's not Fallujah.

This, clearly, is some seriously short-sighted bullshit. How blinded by your faith do you have to be to decide to embody the worst fears of a country who got invaded by a man who said God speaks to him and called the war a "crusade". You're outnumbered. You're disliked. So maybe it's not the best idea to run around telling people they're damned heathens who need to find Christ. I understand you're supposed to witness. I'm supposed to breathe, but I don't insist on doing it when my head's under water.

Beyond the tactical considerations, one question the mainstream media has thus far failed to answer is where the hell you GET coins in Arabic promoting Christianity? Is there a Northwestern bookstore in the Green Zone? Who makes coins whose only possible use would be pissing off Muslims by trying to convert them? And what is so deeply wrong with these people?

It's also one of those missionary practices that I find particularly distasteful - handing out things that look like money, but are actually fake money full of evangelical propaganda. Like folded "dollar bills" that, when opened, have Bible verses on the inside. Imagine how the Iraqis must have felt, getting a silver coin from a US soldier, assuming it's part of the accountability-free billions we've been handing out over there, and then realizing it's just a token from Chuck E. Jesus.

At least the guy that used the Koran as target practice was acting out of an unreasonable hate borne from an untenable situation. I mean, it was stupid and crazy and wrong, but it's within the parameters of the kind of stupid and crazy and wrong things soldiers do. Proselytizing, on the other hand, is a more willful, deliberate act of utter stupidity. Way to keep winning those hearts and minds, Fucknuts.