Stop Saying Points
Republicans, 27 May 2008
Memo to John McCain: FUCK YOU, OLD MAN.
I guess the theme for this week is powerlessness, I want to know what exactly it takes to get thrown under the wheels of, or alternately, invited onto the Straight Talk Express. I know I'm not a large site, or an important site, but dammit, I pretend to care about my readers, and my readers deserve points, and their fair shot at whatever fabulous prizes those points may lead to.
You see, the John McCain campaign, showing all the technological acumen required to promote the presidency of an ancient fogey who still thinks buses are cool, have started the... the... now that I think of it, the program doesn't even have a catchy fucking name. Way to go, Team McCain! You'll show the New York Times they don't know the meaning of the word "disarray". The URL calls it "BlogIntract", the form you can fill out is called "Web Communicator", but the page is titled "Spread The Word". And despite extensive cross-referencing, I was unable to confirm that the word was "legs".
The program, which I am henceforth calling "Red Stamps" based on an imaginary conversation I imagine McCain having on his bus*, awards John McCain supporters John McCain Action Center Points for posting pro-McCain messages on political websites and blogs. I cannot, in spite of my best efforts, find what John McCain Action Center Points are worth as a form of tender, but anything whose name includes "McCain", "Action", and "Center" in its name must be dynamic and valuable, right? Even if I am disappointed there's no apparent way to turn your points into a discount off the John McCain Service To America Bio Tour promotional T-Shirt. Since John McCain's service to America didn't include any fucking service to Minneapolis, I wasn't able to buy a shirt in person.
But the snubs don't end there. To receive your points, you have to fill out a form that includes a huge drop-down list of blogs eligible for pro-McCain comments. And guess what's not there? The You Are Dumb Dot Net forums, that's what's not there. I go to all that trouble to set up a space where John McCain fans can use CTRL-V to inform me that McCain will work with anyone who sincerely wants to get this country moving again**. But am I on the list? No. Kos is on the list. ThinkProgress is on the list. Crooks and Liars is on the list. I hate McCain more than all three of them put together! Where are my trolls? There's nothing I want more than for someone whose only remuneration is meaningless, valueless "points" to try and convince me how nonpartisan John McCain is.
And I know they had to be considering it. YAD must have been on their list at some point, and removed. Probably at the same time, and by the same guy, who didn't put any recommended blogs on the "Liberal Blogs" list, and put Instapundit on the "Moderate Blogs" list. Way to be non-partisan! Anyway, I know this because they have a disclaimer that was clearly written with YAD in mind. ACTUAL DISCLAIMER TIME!
"The web, blog and news sites listed here are a sample of political sites that you may post comments on. The content of these sites is not controlled by the McCain campaign and may contain offensive material. Please use your discretion in visiting these sites." Damn straight, motherfuckers! This web site is not controlled by McCain that way. And if they ever want that to change, the first thing they're going to have to do is acknowledge my existence. And the second thing they're going to have to do is, this time, pack those ribs in dry ice and ship them overnight. Bubble wrap and USPS book rate is not acceptable.
*"Hey, guys, remember Green Stamps? No? They were these promotional things you'd get when you bought other stuff, and you could turn them in for merchandise. We should do something like that on our website. But we can't call them "green stamps". I've already done my pretending to care about the environment bit."
**Like, apparently, every lobbyist within a hundred-mile-radius of D.C.