Let's All Go To The Movies

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Memo to my audience: HAPPY EXPELLED DAY!

Yes, it's finally here! Like the rest of you, ever since I first learned about Ben Stein's Creationist Citizen Kane, I've been looking forward to its theatrical release. And today is the day!

Now, I realize the target audience for a movie about how Darwinists are all a bunch of Communist Nazis who use their awesome power and influence to suppress the truth about Intelligent Design* is a fundamentally skeptical audience. Before you pile your five kids in your Range Rover with the Jesus fish on the bumper and head down to the multiplex to watch the anti-evolution movie with some selectively-bred and/or genetically modified popcorn, you want to know if this movie is any good. Well, luckily for you, I found me one of them experts.

And not just any expert, either. This is Greg Steir, founder of the oft-mocked Dare 2 Share youth ministry, whose Christian Post review I stumbled upon in one of those happy accidents the Internet makes possible. He brings teenagers to Christ using his uncanny blend of media savvy and web design, so you know his opinion on "Expelled" can be trusted.

Steir didn't just like "Expelled", he liked it so much he titled his review "Expelled Is Excellent". And lest you think that alliteration is his only skill, check out a critical analysis so refined and complex that it couldn't have arisen by chance. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"This documentary exposes the hypocrisy of the high brow intellegensia and shows that most are only open to free speech and debate if it happens on their side of 'the wall' (a term that is coined to describe the closed thinking of many evolutionists to consider any other origin options than evolution.) 'Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed' pulls their fancy pants down and spanks em good."

Note the clever way he subtly mocks the intelligentsia by not spelling their name right. And I have to say, there are few phrases more reassuring coming from the pen of a youth minister who spends a lot of time on the Internet than "pulls their fancy pants down and spanks em good".

Now, some of you may question whether a man like Steir, obsessed as he is with exposing the tender bottom-flesh of his intellectual betters, might have the scientific and rational grounding required to correctly evaluate Ben Stein's creationist propaganda. Allow me to put those fears to rest! Steir has anticipated your skepticism and provided a curriculum vitae so astonishing it will, quite literally, leave you speechless:

"Where do I stand in the Creation vs. Evolution debate? Suffice it to say that I take Genesis chapter 1 at face value. Call me a brute. Call me a literalist. Call me a Neanderthal (actually don't call me that one). But don’t ever accuse me of not taking the Bible seriously. Although I have friends that vigorously debate with me on this, I just can’t get away from how plainly the first chapter of Genesis describes how everything began…and I believe it. Because I’m a scientist? No. I wasn’t even that good at science. I believe it because the Bible says it.

For the record? Any twinges of guilt I might have had over mocking Dare 2 Share in the past? You know, because they come across as essentially clueless but well-intentioned given their worldview? See that window? Well, the twinges just went right fucking out it. If scientific process depended on how plainly things were described, we'd still be burning shit for warmth and fighting over which neighbor was the witch who caused our cow to wither and die. The only reason a movie like Expelled can make the kind of headway it does in our culture is that our culture is filled with fuckwits like Steir who desperately need to reconcile their dung-fire beliefs with a world full of airplanes and motion pictures.

And today, Ben Stein just gave them a big dose of the crap they need to keep themselves mentally warm through the cold, dark, secular, atheist, Nazi, communist, Darwinist night. Yay!

* Well, except for the big-budget documentary opening in 1000-plus theaters, including seven Twin Cities locations. But other than that, Darwinists are more about suppression than Valtrex.