America's Racism Experts

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Memo to the National Review Online: YOU ARE TRANSLUCENT.

In case you were wondering why I waited a day to mention the Capital O Capital R Capital S Obama Race Speech, well, this column deals with stupid shit. And the ORS was many things, but stupid shit was not one of them. Now, as a veteran observer of the Kerry campaign, I'm a bit uncomfortable with the idea of any Democratic presidential candidate deciding that the best way to confront a controversy is with a thirty-minute speech full of complex arguments and nuance. But for the time being, Obama seems to have pulled it off.

Because it was a half-hour full of complex arguments and nuance, it gave plenty of opportunities for people who, by dint of genetic determination, political affiliation, or financial remuneration, are inevitably going to miss the fucking point. And it takes a bit of time for all that stupidity to arise from the ORS. Luckily, there is an organization committed to tracking down stupid people, finding out what they think, and letting the rest of us know what that is. It's called the National Review Online, and they've devoted an incredible amount of energy and resources to missing the fucking point. So here's an all-Obama, all-race, all-conservative, all-NRO edition of IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS.

"Instead, the entire Wright controversy evolved due to America’s failure to understand the Wright’s past and the present status of race. No doubt, the next time some public figure utters a racist comment — and it will happen — we will then expect to hear about context that explains and excuses such an apparent hurtful outburst. - Victor Davis.

Davis starts off sounding reasonable, until you realize that oh, he's being dismissive and sarcastic. It's especially stupid, because Davis spends his whole article slamming Obama for his false "moral equivalence", operating under the premise that Jeremiah Wright's "racism" is no different from redneck, KKK, white "racism". Which I'm sure helps Davis sleep at night, but isn't, you know. Actually true.

"Indeed, Obama says that pretty much any inconvenient discussion of race is a distraction from what America really needs: a huge expansion of the welfare state. Obama says our racial problems can be healed with more money." - Jonah Goldberg

I give Jonah Goldberg credit. He is not, for a change, the dumbest person on National Review Online this time. It took him an entire page to get to the bit where he makes shit up, passes it through the official English -> Conservative dictionary, and screams in panic that Obama's going to take all the rich people's money and give it to poor Negroes. For Goldberg, this is actually an improvement.

"My problem is he spoke as if he hates America, as if he believes there's something fundamentally wrong with the greatest nation on earth. You can talk about racism, senator. But what how do you think about America? Is it what we hear from Mrs. Obama and the Obamas' pastor? How imperfect do you believe our union to be?" - Kathryn Jean Lopez.

Apparently, the most important qualification for the President, for Lopez, is what how does he or she think about America. And she thinks that what how Obama thinks about America might be insufficiently patriotic. I wish Lopez would quantify exactly what much how much criticism of America is acceptable, but I'm betting it's not what how very what how much.

"Remember when we were hearing about the need to purge Michael Moore and the MoveOn crowd from the Democratic Party? Obama is the polar opposite of all that–and in a devilishly clever way. Rather than move the Democrats away from the Michael Moores or Jeremiah Wrights, Obama buys absolution for them from the rest of the country. No, Obama does not fully agree with Jeremiah Wright, but the Democratic Party under Obama will be complacent about its Michael Moore wing. That’s why the MoveOn types are so excited about Obama." - Stanley Kurtz

Kurtz has apparently developed advanced strawman minigun technology, capable of firing nearly one thousand strawmen per minute. Obama is Wright is Michael Moore is MoveOn is Democrats? And, you know, I do remember when we were hearing about that need for a purge. We were hearing it from REPUBLICANS LIKE KURTZ. The left was too busy giving Moore awards and MoveOn money to care.

"Like the Soviet show trials during their 1930s purges, Obama’s speech was not supposed to convince critics but to reassure supporters and fellow-travelers, in order to keep the 'useful idiots' useful." - Thomess Sowell.

Am I the only one who finds Red-baiting adorably quaint in 2008? I can't be the only one. I just want to pinch his widdle cheeks and say "Yes, Obama's a big bad Communist!".

"If Obama wants to move past the divisive racial politics of the past, why does he rehash these divisive racial politics of the past?" - Liam Julian.

Because, fucknuts, pretending everything is fine when it isn't? That's Republican strategy. It ain't fucking working in Iraq, it's not fucking working in the financial markets, it's not fucking working about climate change, and it won't fucking work on race either. It only works for individual Republicans who get out before the bombs go off, their portfolio collapses, their coast gets flooded, or the riots start.

"For two decades, Obama tethered himself to a fire-breathing pastor peddling bitter Marxist 'black liberation theology' in the name of God. Behind the “audacity of hope” was a grievance-mongering preacher animated by the voracity of hate. And understand this: The Reverend Jeremiah Wright and Barack Obama were not merely passing 'associates.' They were mentor and mentee, guru, and student, with fates and fortunes intertwined. - Michelle Malkin.

I am legally obligated to point out that the above is part of a piece on racial politics in America written by a woman who put out an entire book celebrating the interment of Japanese-Americans during World War II. There is a point when "consider the source" becomes "fuck the source and the horse it rode in on", and Malkin is so far past that point that she needs the Hubble to spot it.