You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
March 9th, 2006
Memo to anyone following Bill Napoli into the abyss: YOU ARE DUMB.
Here's a good litmus test for you as you go through your day-to-day existence. If you look at your personal politics, and you realize your personal politics happen to align with a demonstrably crazy person - some sick, twisted bugfuck bastard, perhaps - then at the very least you should take some time to re-examine your own politics.
Maybe they stem from a different place than the crazy person. Maybe they don't. I don't know. But I do know whenever I find myself in agreement with, say, Pat Buchanan, it gives me pause. Because Pat Buchanan is crazy.
And all you embryo-fetishists need to look over at Bill Napoli and make sure you don't see yourself in his ugly, ugly mirror. Bill Napoli is a South Dakota state senator. He's one of the key senators behind that state's new abortion ban, with no rape exception, no incest exception, no health exception. The only exception is to save the life of the mother.
Now, personally, I'd still be opposed to a ban WITH those exceptions, but I'm firmly in the "fuck potential" crowd on this issue. Since I think souls are superstitious bullshit, that makes an embryo a lump of stuff for at least the first few months. But even in the so-called "middle ground", disallowing abortion in the case of rape is state-sanctioned cruelty. And banning it in the case of incest is a borderline psychotic denial of genetic reality.
But being that strident an embryo-fetishist isn't enough for me to brand Bill Napoli a nutcase so twisted Moebius would blanch at his topography. No, Napoli managed to prove that on PBS's NewsHour last week. In an attempt to seem more moderate, he tried to explain how the definition of "life of the mother" might be stretched to cover rape or incest. Remember, when you read this, he was trying to make you feel comfortable. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!
"A real-life description to me would be a rape victim, brutally raped, savaged. The girl was a virgin. She was religious. She planned on saving her virginity until she was married. She was brutalized and raped, sodomized as bad as you can possibly make it, and is impregnated. I mean, that girl could be so messed up, physically and psychologically, that carrying that child could very well threaten her life."
Who thinks like that? I'll tell you who thinks like that. CRAZY PEOPLE. Crazy people who have spent so much time wrapped up in the crazy worlds of religious fundamentalism, sexual repression, and cerebrorectal inversion that their dark impulses feed on themselves, only occasionally slipping out on national, albeit public, television.
It's like some slavering self-parody come to life. You can just imagine the micro-tent he must have pitched as he described his little Penthouse Letter/Left Behind crossover.
But Crazy Napoli is not without compassion for the victims of an unwanted pregnancy. Like a case of spiritual Turtle Wax, he has a consolation prize ready for all you South Dakotan whores who get yourselves knocked-up - the rest of your life in a community-imposed loveless marriage!
"When I was growing up here in the wild west, if a young man got a girl pregnant out of wedlock, they got married, and the whole darned neighborhood was involved in that wedding. I mean, you just didn't allow that sort of thing to happen, you know? I mean, they wanted that child to be brought up in a home with two parents, you know, that whole story. And so I happen to believe that can happen again."
OK, I know South Dakota is backwards as all fuck, but Bill Napoli was born on June 17, 1948. And I'm pretty sure that by the 50's, when he was "growing up", even South Dakota wasn't the WILD WEST. Between the virgin rape, the sodomy, and this, Napoli's skull is like a rejected script for Deadwood written by Ed Gein.
Bill Napoli is a special kind of crazy. And if you agree with him, you may well be "special" too.