Archive - Sep 8, 2016


Smiles, Everyone! Smiles!

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Memo to Phil Schiller, Donald Trump, and Reince Priebus: YOU ARE DUMB.

Trump's ability to drown out and overwhelm nearly all other sources of stupidity worldwide continues at an alarming rate. I have no idea what's going to happen after he loses the election. But thankfully, a few brave souls are stepping up and slipping a word or two into the pubic stupidity discourse. SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY!

Look. I love Apple products as much as the next guy, as long as the next guy is a tech nerd with a decent salary and shitty impulse control. And I hate headphone jacks as much as the next guy, as long as the next guy went to Bluetooth headphones like five years ago and has never looked back because, well, they don't have any wires. Which is very nice. But when Apple's Phil Schiller said the main reason they removed the headphone jack from the iPhone 7 was "courage", I cringed so hard I evolved a new organ JUST FOR CRINGING.

It wouldn't have even been "courage" if they hadn't made or bundled an adapter. It would have been ballsy bordering on arrogance, but it wouldn't have been "courage". Apple has a proven record of changing its shit up and making you buy new shit as a result. They'll be fine. And you'll be fine. Everyone will be fine. No courage necessary. The only truly concerning thing is that nobody said "hey, Phil, maybe don't say that, it makes you sound like a "Silicon Valley" character from a not particularly good episode. That's the kind of shit that gets you another Newton.

When, back in the early days of his candidacy, Donald Trump said we should have kept Iraq's oil as the spoils of the Iraq War, it was fucking reprehensible, but we all know what we thought of Donald Trump's candidacy in those early days, and while we were all super wrong about that except for that one time I said it could totally happen, we can be forgiven for not caring too much. But on Wednesday, the fucker said it again.

Because the idea of just taking, holding, and keeping all of Iraq's oil fields after we invaded them under false pretenses is probably the single wrongest idea Donald Trump has ever had. It's morally wrong, ethically wrong, tactically wrong, practically wrong, ideologically wrong, and would not have achieved the result he says it would have achieved. It's also pretty much out of line with any "serious" school of thought on foreign policy, from the kind I agree with to the kind I don't. If there were ever going to be a Trump reckoning, and there won't be, but if there were, it should be on this. He should be fucking crucified over this in any sane verson of politics.

Seriously, I don't expect the head of the RNC to read Jezebel, but someone over there must be aware of current cultural thinking around telling women they should smile more, right? And one of them must have access to Reince Priebus's nascent fetal Tweets, right? Apparently not, because he said Hillary Clinton didn't smile enough when she was talking about how she was going to hunt down and murder the leader of ISIS.

At this point, even if you're a retrograde chauvinist asshole, which I presume Priebus is, given his history and job title, at this point, shit like this is the kind of basic cultural competency nearly every non-Trumpian politician needs to keep from being a public embarrassment to his party. Especially a hack like Priebus . But no, even he can't help but slip into sexist bullshit when dealing with Hillary Clinton. I almost wish Trump weren't running so that this would get the lengthy attention and drubbing it deserves.