Archive - Sep 12, 2016


Down With The Sickness

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Memo to Donald Trump, Donald Trump, and Rudy Giuliani: THERE'S SICK AND THERE'S SICK.

Watching the news right now is basically just seeing how long you can stick your hand in a bucket of ice water. Most of what's happening now is an extreme version of the problem American news has with politics in general - false equivalency, misunderstanding of "objectivity", petty revenge for perceived slights by politicians, and the compulsion to keep the race close and interesting, but I've never seen it thrive so strongly in an environment so rife with reasons to abandon it in favor of covering what's actually happening, which is IDIOTS SAYING SOME OF THE DAMNDEST THINGS I'VE EVER HEARD, AND I'VE HEARD A LOT OF FUCKING THINGS.

“I don't know what's going on. I'm like you. I see what I see. The coughing fit was a week ago, so I assume that was pneumonia also. I would have think it would have been. So something is going on but I just hope she gets well and gets back on the trail.” - Donald Trump, the day he was being praised by cable news for not going after Hillary on her health,

None of this Hillary Clinton health shit matters. None of it. Well, with one possible exception, and that exception is, will she be dead before January 21, 2017? No? Then I don't give a shit. I'm not saying I'll necessarily do backflips over President Kaine, but every single thing every single insane Trump conspiracy theorist says is wrong with her could be wrong with her and it won't change my vote, and it shouldn't change yours. She doesn't need to never cough in order to be President, and she doesn't have to serve more than one day to do her most important job, keeping Trump from being president.

Oh, and of course she kept it secret. Despite the delusions of people who still think America is sane, cough cough Trevor Fucking Noah cough cough, if Clinton had come out and said she had pneumonia, the story all weekend would have been "WHAT IS THIS PNEUMONIA DIAGNOSIS REALLY COVERING UP". Because that's the world we live in now, not a world where people will stop thinking Hillary is lying if she just tells the truth a couple of times. Most of the shit people say she's lied about is stuff she's told the truth about anyway. She hasn't won that fight in 20 years, she's not gonna win it in the next two months. At least now the story is "why didn't she tell us about the pneumonia", and only assholes like Trump can insinuate it's something more and get credit for not doing that somehow.

"When Iran, when they circle our beautiful destroyers with their little boats, and they make gestures at our people that they shouldn’t be allowed to make, they will be shot out of the water." - Donald Trump, last Friday, not saying racists are bad people.

Hey, remember last week, when I wondered why Trump's insane retroactive Middle East war policy wasn't the biggest story of the campaign? Well, I retract that. That should be the second biggest story of the campaign, and Trump threatening to have US soldiers murder Iranian soldiers for being annoying should be the worst, because that's a foreign policy proposal he could actually enact if president. The Iraq oil thing is more wishful thinking by a blithering moron.

See, that would start a war with Iran. And I'm not entirely sure Donald Trump knows we're NOT currently at war with Iran. Certainly, the conservative media he's steeped in acts like it. But you don't actually get to blow up a foreign navy's boats because you don't like how they're looking at you. You know how much followup this has gotten, how many surrogates have been asked to explain, defend, or justify this complete fucking insanity? As far as I can tell without a Lexis Nexis subscription, ZERO. But hey, deplorables and coughing, right?

"Of course it’s legal. It’s a war. Until the war is over, anything’s legal.” - Trump buddy Rudy Giuliani, being like record-setting wrong even for Rudy Giuliani.

Let's just recap what we're dealing with here. Donald Trump is prepared to start a war with countries if he doesn't like the way they gesture at him. And his friend and advisor Rudy Giuliani believes that once that war starts, you can do ANYTHING YOU WANT and it's legal. I mean, clearly he's heard the phrase "war crimes" before, but maybe he thinks it lives along "jumbo shrimp" in the Ancient Oxymoron Joke Book.

But hey, let's play this out. Rudy Giuliani has spoken at and supports the Heritage Foundation. The Heritage Foundation says that Al Qaeda declared war on the United States on two separate occasions before the attacks of 9/11. Rudy Giuliani believes that until the war is over, anything is legal. Ergo, Rudy Giuliani believes the 9/11 attacks were legal. He also believes they were totally awesome for his career, but that's beside the point. What matters is these people are completely bugfuck and maybe that would be a fitting subject for news coverage. Just saying.