Archive - Jul 26, 2016

Ownership Of "This Land" Is Quite Complicated

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Memo to Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, Donald Trump, and Justin Beth: IT'S POSSIBLE.

It's nowhere near as easy as it was last week, but it is totally feasible to do a DNC edition of IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS, even if I have to include a quote about the DNC from Donald Trump to do it.

“I have decided that in the interest of making sure that we can start the Democratic convention on a high note that I am not going to gavel in the convention.” - Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, adding to the list of things that are better off without her around.

This should terrify us all. We have now officially calibrated the level of incompetence required to keep your job in Democratic politics - and it's just below spending an entire campaign favoring one candidate over the other and only getting caught when your e-mails end up on WikiLeaks, possibly at the behest of... but we'll get to that in a second.

I'll be honest, if you'd asked me if it was wrong for the DNC to favor one candidate over another a few weeks ago, I'd have shrugged in a VERY apathetic manner. But Wasserman-Schultz has been shitty at whatever her job actually is for a long time now, so if you're worried about the DNC stealing the nomination, trust me, they couldn't have actually pulled that off if they tried. So it doesn't really matter if they tried.

"Little did she know, Russia, China, one of our many, many ‘friends’” – Trump emphasized with air quotes – “came in and hacked the hell out of us. Can you imagine?" - Donald Trump, finding interesting new uses for air quotes.

I'm no legal scholar, but I'm pretty sure air quotes are not the equivalent to invoking your 5th Amendment right to not incriminate yourself. So maybe Trump ought to hold off talking about how his Russian "friends" "hacked" the "DNC" in order to "help" him win the "election"

The thing is, the connections between Trump and Russia are at least as strong as the connections between Trump and white supremacists. He may not actually be associated with them, but he's doing a LOT of things to make them like him, from praising Putin publicly, to making crazy statements about the US pulling out of NATO, to apparently bending or trying to bend the GOP platform in very Russia-positive ways. So maybe, like the white supremacists, Russia felt compelled to help out without Donald even having to ask.

"We want our voices to be heard by the media. We've been told a lot about unifying the party and getting party unity and we wanted the chance to explain what we feel we need for party unity." - Sanders supporter Justin Beth, explaining their "This Land Is Your Land"-themed walkout after Hillary officially got the nomination.

We know what you need for party unity, you fucking babies. You need Bernie Sanders to be the nominee, even if he's spent the last month telling you to suck it up and vote for Hillary. But no, you have to believe so strongly in what Bernie Sanders said that you reject what Bernie Sanders says because it conflicts with the ideals you extrapolated from what he said.

Don't worry. Your voices are being heard by the media. In fact, they're being heard completely out of proportion to your actual usefulness and power, because the media loves nothing more than a good DEMOCRAT CIRCULAR FIRING SQUAD story. They always have, they always will. But at the risk of cracking your Woody-Guthrie-filled cranium with a clue bat, the media is not interested in your mesage beyond your dislike of Hillary Clinton, because dislike of Hillary Clinton has made them billions of dollars since the 90s. Enjoy the attention while you have it.