Archive - Jul 24, 2016

Our SJW Agenda Is Literally Everywhere

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Memo to Jean-Batave Poqueliche: GOTTA GET OVER YOURSELF.

As much as I'd love to savage the Return of Kings review of Ghostbusters now that I've seen the movie, the fact is, it's largely vague proclamations of subjective badness, non-specific invocations of "agenda", and a few specifics the author gets completely wrong. Though his description of Kevin as "overqualified" does say wonders about the Return of Kings mindset in and of itself.

But instead, I'll turn my attention to French martial artist Jean-Batave-Poqueliche, who is a sixth-degree Garbage Belt and has provided us with "Five Reasons To Boycott Pokemon Go". Shockingly, none of those reasons are a decades-old bitterness at having a last name that sounds like the French word for "Pokemon". But I bet it's the real one.

His first concern is privacy. Under normal circumstances, this might be understandable. I mean, Niantic did technically fuckbotch their initial release to ask for full access to users' Google accounts. Now, that seems to have been an obvious oversight, and it was corrected after about a week, but privacy wonks with low-grade Internet paranoia could certainly find cause to feel concerned and stay that way. But Poquelich has somewhat... deeper concerns:

"The game needs 24/7 global position. To get connected, you need to have a Google account that allowed (or still allows) access to your personal details (name, emails, photos etc.). They know which trainers you hang out with and where. A Holy Grail for a Police State."

So many problems. First, the game can't need 24/7 global positioning. Everyone knows it'll drain your battery in 3 hours. The other 21 hours, THE MAN has no idea where you are. Second, numbnuts, you're ON THE INTERNET. You could spend the thirty seconds needed to find out if the game stopped asking for full access to your Google account. And while I'm not 100% sure what the Holy Grail of a police state would be, but I know what it's not, and it's not what amateur Pokemon Trainers you're hanging out with.

His second problem is...well, honestly, I don't want to summarize this. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"It is simple. This application sucks your time and your energy for something that does not exist. It is an endless reserve of unproductive entertainment, designed to lock you into a comfortable, mindless loop."

No shit, Jean Claude Van Dumbass. It's a mobile game. Sucking your time and energy for something that doesn't exist is the modus operandi of damn near every video game since the dawn of time. And voluntarily exchanging your time and energy for amusement is the very definition of entertainment. Even if you're a joyless French fuckwad breaking boards in Eastern Europe, this isn't a reason to boycott Pokemon Go. It's a reason to boycott all entertainment that isn't based around joylessly breaking boards in Eastern Europe.

His third reason is that, by bringing people together and organizing them into three colors of teams, they are pushing the SJW agendas of diversity and globalism. And also Hollywood celebrities like it. And also it's making a ton of money for private corporations like Nintendo and "Mac Donald's". Because a consistent ideology is for suckers.

Item Four, well, we need to go back to the quote because... you'll see.

"Pokemon GO is an additional step taken by those in power to turn men with limited time on their hands into unfuckable, digitally-neutered zombie consumers."

See, because only nerds play games on their phones and nerds are beta males who can't get laid because it's still the mid-90s in Poqueliche's mind. That, of course, isn't what's happening, as even the most casual observation would show you that the game has broken into the mainstream in a big way, and so, the game isn't turning attractive alpha males into unfuckable betas, pretending for a moment that those are things that exist in the actual world and aren't just figments of the MRM's garbage-fueled imagination. The game is just getting "normal" dudes to play it. No other effects.

The final issue is that Bad Things have happened when people have played Pokemon Go. Well, not really. He lists a bunch of bad things that happened while people played Pokemon Go, chalked them up to Darwinism, then posited that young girls and children might encounter MINORITIES luring them to late-night rape parties somehow. Oh, and also, terrorists might use it to conceal themselves in a large group of people with backpacks, because as anyone who's played the game knows, individual users can totally set up really appealing in-game stuff in a place and make people go to that place.

So, by all means, boycott Pokemon Go, if you're worried about outdated privacy fears, becoming unfuckable, meeting brown people, encouraging three competing one-world governments based around primary colors and vague concepts, and hate all non-punching-based fun. The rest of you, feel free to continue as normal.