Archive - Jul 19, 2016

This One Goes To Four

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Memo to Mike Pence, Scott Baio, Chris Christie, and Paul Manafort: YOU ARE OVERLOADING THE CIRCUITS.

OK, just two days in, and Donald Trump's Republican National Convention is proving to be a shitshow of epic proportions. There's so much going on that right now, unless things change, it's gonna have to be IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS for the rest of the week. With bonus quotes. It's seriously fucking nuts. And even before the convention started, we had the Mike Pence selection.

“Obviously, this is Walt Disney’s attempt to add childhood expectation to the cultural debate over the role of women in the military." - Your vice presidential nominee, Mike Pence, in 1999, complaining about the cultural propaganda that was... Mulan.

A lot of attention has been paid, and rightly so, to the awkward relationship between Donald Trump and Mike Pence. You know, the one where Trump is clearly pissed of that he has to deal with Pence at all, and barely lets him get a word in edgewise, and has to condone Pence's vote for the Iraq War while condoning Hillary's in an act of cognitive dissonance so profound even Trump has to have a vague idea that it's happening.

But it's important to not forget that in addition to being an inconvenient Trump lickspittle, Mike Pence is a wretched human being in his own right. He compared Mulan's eventual cultural effect on the idea of women in combat to Bambi's cultural effect on deer hunting. Which I guess means that in the year 2073, a whole bunch of people will still be fine preventing women from serving in combat roles, because there are plenty of people hunting deer decades after Bambi came out.

"You can look at it any way you want. It's the word ‘count,’ that's what she's standing in front of, I just put it up there. There's no commentary attached to it, I didn't call her anything, and the fact that you question my faith over putting up a picture is not nice.” - Scott Baio, Trump fan and, not coincidentally, a complete dumbass.

Just to fully tally the extent of Baio's sad attempt at plausible deniability, first, there is in fact commentary attached to the picture of Hillary Clinton blocking the O in the word "COUNT" behind her so that it says CUNT ha ha ha. The caption of the photo he tweeted says "So There's A Letter Blocked. What Difference Does It Make?" As commentary goes, that's pretty unsubtle. And Baio himself commented when he retweeted it, adding "This may be the best meme out there."

That's been a very common issue for non-elected members of the wingnut community. They're deep in the fever swamp, where it's hilarious to call Hillary a cunt or Obama a monkey, and then they unexpectedly (especially in Baio's case) rise in prominence and have to pretend that they behaved like perfectly decent human beings when we all know different. The only difference this year is that one of those same assholes ended up being the nominee.

"93 percent of the speech is completely different than Michelle Obama’s speech." - Chris Christie, with the worst possible explanation of why the Great Melania Pontifigurd is no big deal.

This quote is so bad I can't help but think Christie is, intentionally or subconsciously, sabotaging Trump because Trump (allegedly) sent Christie out to McDonalds to pick up his lunch. But that would require Chris Christie to be a vindictive asshole who doesn't respond well to anyone crossing him.

I don't actually give two shits about the plagiarism itself, but the amazing panoply of responses to it by the Trump campaign is hilarious. Nothing was lifted from the Obama speech! Some things were, but it's not important! Melania wrote the speech herself! Staffers wrote it, she's just a victim! This is all Hillary's fault! It's nobody's fault! It's almost as if the Trump campaign were totally incompetent and unable to manage simple campaign basics because they're too busy comparison-shopping smoke machine rentals.

"And certainly we've noted that the Clinton camp was the first to get it out there in trying to say that there was something untoward about the speech that Melania Trump gave. It's just another example, as far as we concerned, that when Hillary Clinton is threatened by a female, the first thing she does is try to destroy the person." - Paul Manafort, supposedly the "adult" campaign manager who took over the Trump campaign.

That's a fever swamp deep cut right there. It's mainly a reference to your Gennifer Flowerses from the sex scandal years, because there really aren't a whole lot of actual demonstrable incidences of Hillary Clinton trying to destroy women. Of course, there also aren't any demonstrable incidences of the Clinton campaign being the first to notice the obvious (and its weird phrasings, not just individual words or concepts) similarities between Melania 2016 and Michelle 2008.

But hey, all Trump supporters need is a single excuse to keep this latest thing from changing their minds, and the Trump campaign has given them eight to choose from! And since they can't actually add, they won't add up all the things they've had to excuse in order to support Trump, and since they're dumb in a whole bunch of other ways, they won't notice how many of those different excuses are contradicting each other. Mission accomplished!