Archive - Jul 15, 2016

Called It Again

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Memo to Mike Pence, Pokemon Obsessives, and Amazon: YOU ARE DUMB.

My vacation must be doing me some good, because I'm getting to be irritated by all kinds of non-political things. But before we get to that part of SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY, I need to remind you to listen to Bryan, because Bryan is right a whole lot.

Another prediction about Trump proves (likely) true. Trump already brought up Vince Foster, and a couple months ago, I said this about his VP choice: "Basically, we're talking Trump's version of the Palin Gambit. Trump is Palin with a dick, so it won't be someone like Palin, but the decision will be the warped mirror of McCain's decision to pick Palin. They'll look for someone who checks off boxes Trump is missing, and the result will be complete madness."

Trump was supposed to announce Mike Pence as his running mate at 11:00 tomorrow, not coincidentally an hour before the deadline for Pence to not run again as Indiana governor. Pence is the embryo-fetishizing gay-hating Bland White Dude Midwestern governor who was one of the first to get smacked down by corporate America for his attempt to encode homophobia into his state's law. The decision has apparently been postponed because of the truck attack in Nice, France, but assuming it happens, it'll fit my prediction to a T.


OK, I need all of you to take it back two notches on Pokemon Go, and the media to take it back about ten notches. I understand that a lot of you have like two games on your phones that you only break out once every four years when you have to go to the DMV, but seriously, calm down. The Pokemon will all still be there if you take a little break. They respawn constantly, which is good, because otherwise they'd be as scarce as action figures of women characters.

And media? A lot of people are playing Pokemon Go. Like, an insane number of people. Like, apparently, most people. When most people are doing something, the odds of other things happening while they are doing that something goes WAY up. Which means that "X happens while playing Pokemon Go" stories are, for the most part, not actually news. A couple of 'em are, but not all the ones you keep writing. You're just adding to the fuel that will lead to the rapid societal burnout. Which'll probably be great for me, because then I can actually play the game casually without the server load fucking me over while I walk my normal downtown walking.


Congratulations to Amazon for creating one day a year when it's fucking impossible to shop on Amazon. The call it "Prime Day", and basically, if you've spent the year enjoying your two-day shipping and your binge-watching of Hannibal, Prime Day is when Amazon rewards you by sending you to Sale Purgatory.

Things are on sale! Maybe now! Maybe later! Maybe they already were! Try to buy them! No, really, just try to fucking buy them! They're probably out of stock! Or not on sale yet! Or are supposed to be on sale but for some reason the sale price doesn't show up. And you can "watch" things you want to buy later. Well, OK, you can mark them as watched, but good luck finding them later. Unless you're after an actual Amazon product like a cheap tablet or a speaker you can talk to for some damn reason, you're better off just going out and catching some Pokemon or something, because the prices aren't worth the hassle.