Archive - Jul 14, 2016

It's Not Your Party, But You'll Cry Anyway

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Memo to Sanders supporters: YOU'LL GET OVER IT. OR NOT. DON'T CARE.

Bernie Sanders endorsed Hillary Clinton this week, because he had to, because that's how politics works. When your revolution fizzles out, your options are limited. I like Bernie Sanders. I also like me a little revolution every now and again. But I'll happily settle for Hillary Clinton being pulled a LOT farther to the left than I thought she would be. We'll see how much that springs back post-election, but anyone who wa even remotely politically aware during the Clinton years would barely recognize the woman at the top of the Democratic ticket right now. Whether she believes it or not.

This view is, unsurprisingly, not shared by a few subsets of Bernie fans.

Let's start with the Bernie fans who now will be voting for Trump. You're just assholes. You were never Bernie fans. You might be reflexively anti-"establishment" without really understanding what that word means and under what circumstances it's a bad thing (and when it's a good thing). You might just insist that all your politicians have wangs, no matter how droopy, tiny, or orange they may be. You may just be garden-variety idiots.

Doesn't matter. Because you don't matter. There aren't enough of you to matter. You'll lose, you'll become disillusioned with politics, you'll never vote again, and you'll channel your impotent rage into the next time a woman makes a video game or an action movie or something.

Which leaves us with the Young Revolutionaries. The True Believers. The people who not only still believe in the concept of "selling out", but are applying it to Bernie right now. They are adorable. They tweet things like this:

"Revolution? I guess political revolution meant something different to Bernie. I was willing to fight corruption to the death. #NEVERHillary" - "Craig".

HA HA HA HA HA no you weren't. At best, you were willing to fight corruption to the mild inconvenience. Also, let's have a talk about "corruption" in regards to Hillary Clinton. What you're actually talking about is "influenced by money", which, yes, is bad. But it's also been the status quo for my entire life, which means it's been the status quo for twice as long as you whippersnappers have been alive. So, you know. Yeah Hillary's corrupt in the way that politics has been corrupt for decades. And it's not great, but it's no more disqualifying for Hillary than it was for Obama.

And while we're here, no, Bernie didn't lose because the Democratic primary process is "fixed" or "rigged" or whatever. Even if superdelegates are evil, Bernie still lost because more peole voted for Hillary. Take comfort in the fact that enough of you voted for Bernie to drag Hillary to the left. Or don't. I honestly don't give a fuck.

Because here's the deal. Nobody was expecting you to vote anyway. Nobody was counting on you to turn out, because generally speaking, you never do. If you come around and vote against Donald Trump by voting for Hillary, great. I'll take those votes because I'll take any increase in the final margin I can get. But if you can't do it, well, we'll all manage.

Which is why I'm glad that there's a campaign underway to convince die-hard Sanders true believers to switch their allegiance to the Green Party's Jill Stein. That's what the Green Party is for. To make young people who feel the need to DO SOMETHING expend that energy in a safe, non-destructive, ineffective manner. It's the same function the Libertarian Party serves for the Republicans, except, of course, for the non-destructive part. The point is, there's a place for you to go that's almost like you not voting at all, but will soothe your revolutionary ardor and keep you off the streets until November. Have fun, and we'll see how you feel when 2024 rolls around.