Memo to Bill Kristol: DO IT, YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD. DO IT.

Yesterday, Bill Kristol promised something he probably won't be able to deliver on, but if it happens, he will be useful for the first time his entire fucking life. ACTUAL TWEET TIME!

"Just a heads up over this holiday weekend: There will be an independent candidate--an impressive one, with a strong team and a real chance."

Donald Trump lost his fucking shit over it, and anything that makes Donald Trump lose his shit is entertaining. In fact, it's the only way the kind of generic, blandly evil Republibot that Kristol clearly thinks he has up his sleeve could be entertaining. Is a third-party independent run feasible? Who cares? Is this a transparent attempt to give Republicans something to blame their November loss on other than a Republican base full of idiots, monsters, and monstrous idiots? Again, who cares?

We know it won't be Bloomberg, because Bloomberg already decided not to run. It might be Romney, or a Romney type, if not Actual Romney. It's not going to be any of this year's clown car candidates. None of them are interested in losing to Trump twice, although some of them might be interested in spitely revenge. Maybe Scott Walker. But it'll probably be some bland Midwestern retired motherfucker who's bored playing golf and wants some attention. My brain keeps wanting to say Jack Kemp, not as a name, but as an archetype.

Whoever it is, they'll likely ensure Trump's laregely inevitable loss, both by draining off all the fainthearted Republicans swooning over Trump's uncouth version of their dogwhistle philosophy, and by draining off Trump's attention while he develops nicknames and insults for this third-party opponent. And Trump isn't the most focused dude at the best of times.