Archive - Mar 3, 2016

Tits And Consequences

« March 2016 »
SuMoTuWeThFrSa
1
3
5
6
8
9
12
13
15
17
19
20
22
26
27
29

Memo to prudes: WHY ARE YOU THE ONLY FUCKERS WITH POWER ANYMORE?

It's a very strange time in America. Even before the presidential primaries, the link between actions and consequences had seemed oddly blurry. Strangely arbitrary. As if not only have different rules applied to different people (a truism through all of American history), but even the logic of which rules applied to which people based on race, money, and power were flying out the window.

I mean, this week, you couldn't even be mad about a presidential candidate tacitly supporting the Ku Klux Klan without some asshole (Jeffrey Lord) going on CNN and claiming that the Klan were a bunch of progressives. Which dovetails nicely with the frequent lie that Martin Luther King Jr. was a conservative, but is still madness. Luckily, there is one arena in which the old rules still apply. Well, not luckily in the sense that these actions are leading to consequences, but luckily in the sense that at least it's familiar and comprehensible.

I'm speaking, of course, of freaking the fuck out about the fact that people fuck. Particularly women. Women having sex is still something that we, as a society, agree should result in dire consequences at all times. You may not agree, but we, as a society, don't give a fuck.

There have been, by my count, a total of two instances of accountability in the entire 2016 presidential campaign. Both involve Ted Cruz. We've already discussed, briefly, the high-ranking Ted Cruz staffer who was forced to resign after making up a video "showing" that Marco Rubio hates the Bible. But what we haven't discussed yet is Cruz pulling a campaign ad because one of the actresses in it did some cheap softcore porn nearly a decade ago.

Let's face it. Softcore porn isn't even porn. It might have been sort of porn methadone in the pre-broadband era, but in 2016? Please. I mean, there's no particular moral shame in doing real porn or other sex work, but I could see Cruz being a little antsy about being able to find a woman in one of his ads taking on three dicks at once on PornHub. He is, after all, a Republican.

But appearing in 2003's "Bikini Airways", presumably with tits out, shouldn't prohibit you from supplementing your income with what is surely a non-union acting gig, shilling for a politician whose face looks like a latex vagina mold at the best of times.

But it could be worse. You could be a teacher in South Carolina. Who took a topless (the news said semi-nude) photo of herself on her phone. For her husband. In her home. And then a little 13-year-old shithead stole the phone off her desk, found the picture, took a picture of it with his phone, and basically engaged in Junior League Revenge Porn with it.

So, they fired the teacher. Because South Carolina and boobs and "contributing to the delinquency of a minor", when the minor in question was clearly a delinquent little bastard without her help. But hey, actions have to have consequences, right? Actions like "doing absolutely nothing wrong".