Archive - Oct 2016

Date

October 27th

Snowflakes Of Awfulness

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Memo to "Bill Inc." critics, Newt Gingrich, and Jason Chaffetz: YOU ARE DUMB.

The biggest question of the 2016 campaign is not who will win. We know who will win. No, the biggest question of the campaign is whether it will be seen as an aberration and a mistake in terms of its awfulness and weirdness, or as a new starting point we can use to base future campaign awfulness on. Either way, we should carefully calibrate and monitor it, hence today's SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY.

The latest Wikileaks fizzlecracker revelation is that after Bill Clinton left office, his aide, Doug Band, helped use Bill Clinton's political and corporate connections through the Clinton Foundation to make Bill Clinton, and by extension Band and Band's consulting firm, a shit-ton of money. This makes Bill Clinton the first politician in American, nay human, history to make a shit-ton of money off the connections he made while he was in power.

Is this good? Fuck no. It's part of the problem. It's one of the things we talk about when we talk about "getting the money out of politics". What it is, however, is nearly universally pervasive. And if you want to get the money out of politics, you're not going to do it by electing a pseudo-billionaire con man whose entire life has been a testament to the idea that he can never have enough wealth. So this one is what we in the business call a wash.


It's important to appreciate what you have, when you have it. And the final days of this campaign are producing moments of such pure, pristine, unique awfulness that we should really marvel at them before they're gone. We won't see their like again from, probably, early December through mid-February, when the corpses left in Trump's wake start jockeying for position in the 2020 race.

But think about it. This week, the at minimum doubly-adulterous former Speaker of the House, acting on behalf of a self-admitted random pussy grabber, informed the conservative female news anchor that the pussy-grabber said was mean to him because she was on her period that she was "fascinated with sex". That happened. I'd almost feel bad for Megyn Kelly if she weren't making a shit-ton of money off her connections to corporations and politicians.


Hey, here's a good reason to make sure you vote correctly in all your various Congressional races on Election Day. Jason Chaffetz, who supported Donald Trump, then stopped supporting him just long enough for the majority of the pussy-grabbing fervor to blow over, then supported him again, has promised that his House Oversight Committee is already planning to spend years investigating Hillary Clinton if she wins.

And Judicial Watch, which has the same kind of relationship with the House Oversight Committee that Jim Henson's hand had with Kermit's ass, is already talking about impeachment, because of course they are. And in over two decades, no investigation or impeachment of any Clinton has ever made anyone happy, long-term. Democrats and the left aren't happy with the investigations, and Republicans and wingnuts aren't happy with the results. Why do something that history has proven will make nobody happy? A vote for a Democratic Congress is a vote for at least two years of moderately less annoying bullshit, and there ain't nothing wrong with that.