Archive - Oct 9, 2016


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Memo to Donald Trump: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

As I write this, the the insane shitshow that the second presidential debate can't possibly avoid being has yet to begin, but of course there's plenty before that to talk about.

But let's start with a headline from the tiny-tentacled trash-compactor monsters at Return of Kings, who posted "Political And Media Establishment Furiously Attack Trump For Being A Heterosexual Male", convicting Trump more thoroughly than any court of law ever could. He's not "A" heterosexual male, he's the worst and all-too-common kind of heterosexual male.

And speaking of all too common, since Trump can't stop talking about it, let's talk about Bill Clinton.

And yes, even the kindest reading of history tells us that William Jefferson Clinton's view of "consent" is rooted firmly in the sexual politics of the Baby Boomer era. And at worst, the fact that he's never been brought to court to face accusations of rape does not acquit him of sexual assault.

But the Trumpites saying that we're comparing Trump's words to Clinton's actions somehow think Trump's pussy-grabbing comments can be taken as a hypothetical. And no, they fucking can't. Trump wasn't just saying words, he was describing events that at some point had occurred. He didn't say "I bet you could do anything", he said "You can do anything". That's a report on experimental data, whether he knows the meaning of those words or not.

So what we have here is two poonhounds, about the same age, who used women to get what they wanted and didn't think anything about it. Grabbed, groped, fucked (consensually and otherwise), etc. By all accounts, Bill Clinton cut that shit out at least ten years before Trump did. And since Trump said he only started changing as a human being when he hit the campaign trail and started meeting the troglodyte-Americans who supported him, well, I think we can bump that estimate up a little farther.

Does this excuse Bill Clinton? Nope. But we're playing Whose Dick Is Dirtier now, and there's no way Trump wins that in a fair fight.

And apart from all that, let's take some time to focus on the OTHER disqualifying part of that tape. Donald Trump's inability to manage simile. I'm speaking, of course, of the oft-ignored line "I moved on her like a bitch."

No. No no no. A thousand times no. I mean, Trump's repeated, known failings in the area of sentence structure mean we can't know for sure if he meant what he said, or like "I moved on her like she was a bitch", but either way, that is not a sentence that makes any kind of sense in any kind of context. It sounds like an alien trying to pass as a frat boy.

But none of that matters. What matters is that this one cut deep. Dozens of Republican senators and congressmen are pretending that they just discovered what they nominated and are abandoning Trump. Which of course doesn't weaken the resolve of Trump voters, it just means they're less likely to vote for TRAITOR REPUBLICANS in Congress, which can only help Democrats in November. Was this the worst news about Trump this weekend? Nope. The Central Park 5 shit was way more damning. But this is what worked. Ironically, the Donald Trump equivalent to Al Capone getting busted for tax evasion is not Donald Trump's tax evasion.