Archive - Oct 6, 2016

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Washed Away

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Memo to Obamacare, Jesse Watters, and Donald Trump: YOU ARE DUMB, HURRICANE OR NO HURRICANE.

As I write this, Hurricane Matthew is close enough to Florida that hooded-windbreaker-wearing newscasters are doing their final interviews with people who insist it'll be OK and they don't need to evacuate before the newscasters get the fuck out of Florida, or, as it may be known by the time you're reading this, the Atlantic Ocean Annex. The hurricane's going to knock some key stories out of the news cycle, so I thought it was important that I hit them up before they get washed away. SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY!

I thought yesterday's column was going to be about Bill Clinton calling Obamacare the "craziest thing", but it turns out there was almost zero there there. What he was talking about is one of the latest in a series of symptoms of Obamacare's potentially fatal flaw - building it entirely around the profit motive in order to get it passed.

Premiums going up? Insurance companies pulling out of exchanges? People falling into a weird gap where they can't get subsidies but can't afford insurance? This is all because insurance companies still need to make money on health care. Well, and that last one is partly because you can't convince enough people that helping poor people to pay for stuff they need and can't afford isn't the greatest moral failing human beings can engage in. As Clinton himself pointed out, the problem isn't Obamacare, it's that Obamacare doesn't go far enough.


In another stunning blow to political correctness, Bill O'Reilly's racism handyman, Jesse Watters, ran a segment on O'Reilly's show this week where he went down to Chinatown and asked a bunch of Chinese people if they knew karate, could get him boner herbs, and whether or not he should bow to them to say "hello", all in the name of I guess finding out if weird foreign people had any thoughts about the election.

Basically, imagine an awkward Daily Show segment where the cast pretends to be clueless, ignorant, and racist to make fun of clueless, ignorant, and racist people, except in this case nobody was pretending and they were just trying to make fun of minorities in what O'Reilly called "gentle fun" and predicting they'd get letters about it. I love it when people inflicting harm think it's OK because they think they're being "gentle". It's just a little love tap, Asian-Americans. I don't know what you're so upset about.


Donald Trump got in an argument with a Nevada crowd about how to pronounce "Nevada". It was an argument because Trump was wrong. As far as I can tell, Trump remains convinced he was right. This is an actual thing that happened.

That's the difference between Trump and, say, a Dubya. When Dubya fuckbotched something, unless it was part of his administration's policy, it was generally treated as an unimportant, irrelevant mistake. When Donald Trump fuckbotches something, and a crowd full of his own loving supporters tell him he's wrong, they're all crazy and he's the sane one. It'd probably be a bad idea for him to be President.