Archive - Feb 2015

February 26th

That Time Again

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Memo to Bill O'Reilly and CPAC: HAVE FUN THIS WEEKEND.

Let's start today with a quick update on yesterday's Bill O'Reilly chucklefest. Remember the part where he said he'd seen nuns shot in the back of the head, and then people looked at the dates, and found out he was in El Salvador at least a year after the nuns were shot in the back of the head? Well, Bill O's got an explanation for you, and it's slightly less believable than him flying around the Earth really fast and backwards:

"While in El Salvador, reporters were shown horrendous images of violence that were never broadcast, including depictions of nuns who were murdered." - O'Reilly, to Mediaite.

If I came into work, breathless, proclaiming that I just saw a talking raccoon, and then it was revealed that I'd seen Guardians of the Galaxy for the fourth time, my co-workers would be completely within their rights to punch me in the gut. Just saying.

CPAC is this weekend, and in the interests of complete disclosure, before embarking on this paragraph, I went to Google and typed in "how often is CPAC held", because Wikipedia says it's an annual event and that doesn't seem right at all. Because every couple of months, the right holds one of their patented crazy-offs or another.

You know the drill. A bunch of them get together in front of the die-hards, the faithful, the people who don't laugh at you when you pretend Benghazi is a big deal. And then you say the craziest right-wing shit you can think up, and you get laughed at for a couple of days by normal people, but it never really harms you politically and the base gets all giddy and hopefully remembers that feeling come primary time.

For example, yesterday, Scott Walker claimed that his ability to beat up on teachers' unions means he'd also beat up ISIS. Now, you and I know that Scott Walker can't take away terrorists' pensions or tenure, and his comparison is of course insulting and extreme. But this is CPAC, where Applaud When You Hear Two Things You've Been Told To Hate is really the only party game the audience knows how to play.

Expect this, and lots of stories like it, to play out over the weekend, and then be forgotten for a month or so, until the next Family, Guns, and Gravy conference comes along and it all starts over again.