Archive - Dec 9, 2015



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Memo to Dick Cheney, Rand Paul, and Dick Cheney: STOP MAKING DICK CHENEY THE LIBERAL.

We're not going to talk about Trump's "plan" to ban all Muslim immigration in America. Trump's a white-Christian supremacist. A lot of Republicans are also white-Christian supremacists. Every Republican candidate has courted these white-Christian supremacists, it's just that none have done so quite as brazenly or openly as Donald Trump. The question is not what will Trump say next, the question is, can anyone put the Crazy Third back in the bottle? They've tasted the pure stuff, the uncut haterade. Are they capable of going back to watered-down Southern Strategy dog-whistles? Are they even mentally capable of understanding them, or will they just reject the long-necessary plausible deniability separating mainstream Republicanism from xenophobic fascism outright? And what that'll ultimately come down to is this: is there anyone the Crazy Third will listen to that will tell them they're wrong? Let's find out in today's IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"I think this whole notion that somehow we can just say no more Muslims, just ban a whole religion, goes against everything we stand for and believe in. I mean, religious freedom has been a very important part of our history and where we came from,” - Dick Cheney. Yes, THAT Dick Cheney.

It's important to remember that Dick Cheney believes that kidnapping random taxi drivers from foreign companies, shipping them off to secret prisons, and torturing them in the hopes that they know something about international terrorism does not go against everything we stand for and believe in. Dick Cheney was the architect of a cold-blooded policy that resulted in the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people in service of an agenda that never even came to pass. And ever since, has been the dictionary definition of "unrepentant bastard".

But ultimately, Dick Cheney is a pragmatist of the old guard. He doesn't kill Muslims because he hates them, he kills them because they're in his way. And so he became one of the most strident anti-Trump voices in the last 48 hours, not because he actually thinks that America stands for anything or believes in anything, but because even Dick Cheney has realized that the rubes have been over-stirred. It's too late, of course. They won't listen. They aren't listening. I checked the comments over at Breitbart, and they're all lambasting Dick Cheney for being a Muslim-lover. Oops.

"I think it’s a mistake to base immigration or moratoriums based on religion. But you know, I’ve called for something similar, which is a moratorium based on high risk." - Rand Paul, continuing his quest to find exciting new meanings for the word "libertarian".

Hey, don't try to associate me with Donald Trump's crazy ideas that everyone's criticizing! Let me try and subtly associate myself with Donald Trump's crazy ideas so that his supporters won't hate me! I'm Rand Paul, and I'm still running for president, even though I can't see my own poll numbers even with all my fancy eye-doctor equipment!

Of course, Donald Trump is also arguing that he's proposing a moratorium based on "high risk". It's just that he believes, as do his followers, as do a lot of Republicans who spend time in comments section, that all Muslims are high risk because they're Muslims and all Muslims want to kill us. Which is stupid and bigoted and wrong, but since nobody's actually confronting this particular viewpoint head on, with the bluntness it deserves, instead talking about "American values" and "constitutionality", Rand Paul's tiny dodge is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

"I don't believe the world needs my voice added to that chorus of critics. And listen. I commend Donald Trump for standing up and focusing America’s attention on the need to secure our borders.” - Ted Cruz, the Republican Party's reasonable alternative to Donald Trump.

I think we all know who doesn't need your voice added to that chorus of critics. Ted Cruz. Because Cruz needs Trump's voters if Trump ever actually vivisects a puppy on-stage and is unable to convince his supporters that the puppy was a loser.

And then, of course, he repeats the line Trump apologists started the campaign with - that Trump's blatant racism, fascism, and stupidism is important because it raises an important issue for debate. Mexicans are rapists? Raising the issue of illegal immigration. Banning all Muslims from entering America? Raising the issue of national security. Loading Jews into gas chambers? Raising the issue of Israel's future security needs. Eventually the Fuhrer will fall, and all those Nazis are gonna need someone to throw their support to, right?