Archive - Aug 2013

August 17th

Make The Real Fake And The Fake Real

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Memo to Rick Santorum, Big Hollywood, and Markwayne Mullin: YOU ARE DUMB.

Bonus column! And since I spent what would usually have been Spastic Topic Monkey Friday on Racist Psycho Author Friday, let's combine the usual bonus IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS with the covering-recent-stuff-in bulk concept for today.

"Don't use the term the other side uses. What does Barack Obama talk about all the time? The middle class. Since when in America do we have classes? Since when in America are people stuck in areas or defined places called a class? That's Marxism talk." - Rick Santorum, who admittedly has certain issues with being stuck with a definition.

But seriously, how bad is the income inequality argument when the only answer Rick Santorum has to GOP wealth-fetishizing is to pretend the lack of income immobility doesn't exist, and that all we have to do is Luntz away talking about the middle class and nobody will notice that Republican policies are making it disappear.

Oh, and Rick? Since always. Class in America has been more constant than your beloved "traditional marriage" has. And if you think people having a defined amount of income is Marxist, feel free to forego that in the interests of ideological purity.

"Turns out Carrey's publicity pullout was worth a not so small fortune to the studio behind the movie. The creator of the film's source material, Mark Millar, says Carrey's public distancing from the film energized the project's publicity machine--free of charge." - Big Hollywood, gloriously lacking in self-awareness, as always.

In case you missed it, here's Big Hollywood gloating over the fact that shouting loudly when a piece of entertainment disagrees with your politics ends up doing nothing but drawing attention and publicity to said piece of entertainment. That's the pot painting the kettle black, placing it against a black background, and then making it show ID at the polls.

Also, now that Big Hollywood is treating Mark Millar as an important and reliable source, I hope to see non-stop coverage of anal rape, Millar's favorite recurring theme, on Breitbart's flagship entertainment site. For sufficiently loose definitions of both "hope" and "see".

"You guys wanna pay $20 for a hamburger at McDonald’s? If you wanna increase it, that’s great, but what you’re gonna do is punish everybody along the way.” Oklahoma congressman Markwayne Mullin, whose first name is apparently really "Markwayne", and whose first name, and I double-checked this using Google, is apparently really "Markwayne".

I realize that "Oklahoma" and "math" are mutually exclusive, but goddammit, motherfucker, this math was in the news TWO WEEKS AGO. Someone ran the numbers. You could double the pay of everyone who works at McDonalds so that fry cooks are making $15/hr and the CEO makes double his enormous salary, too, and a Big Mac would cost either $0.68 more (in the original study) or $1.28 (running the numbers differently).

Markwayne, on the other hand, was just talking about raising minimum wage staff pay to $10 an hour. Not $15. And not doubling the CEO's pay. So that's not a $20 hamburger, that's, back of the envelope, maybe a $4.50 Big Mac, tops. You could DOUBLE the actual math and still not hit a double-digit number that would strike fear into the Oklahoma innumerates who make up Markwayne's base.