Archive - Aug 2013

August 1st

Happy Awful People Are Sad Day!

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Memo to sad Minnesotans: EAT A BAG FULL OF SYMPATHY DICKS.

Today, to celebrate the day gay marriages can begin in Minnesota, I thought I'd take a second to address the people the Minneapolis Star-Tribune felt compelled to talk to for some reason, in an article titled "Some Minnesotans are more sad than bitter over gay marriage".

I admit, my original plan, from having just read the headline and the blurb, was a more sympathetic one, explaining to people who are just habitually bigoted the difference between actual harm and harm you perceive because you've been led to believe there will be. But then I heard what the first "sad, not bitter" person had to say. ACTUAL GAME-CHANGING QUOTE TIME!

"I can’t say we’re bitter. We’re disappointed. It’s people saying, ‘If it’s good for me, I don’t care about anyone else.’ There’s nothing that’s intrinsically evil anymore.” - Tom O'Neill of Eagan, which, if you don't know the area, is an outer-ring suburb whose presence after that man's name is not hugely surprising, no.

Yes, gay marriage is "intrinsically evil". That's how Tom O'Neill decides to show the world how much he cares for other people, even if something's not good for him.

Well, Mr. O'Neill, I hope that every August 1, you and your family and your like-minded community get together to celebrate you going and fucking yourselves forever. And that includes your wife, who thinks that gay people being able to make the same legal contract as straight people means "the moral compass is disintegrating". It's about time. Your moral compass is faulty. It always points at other people. And south.

And I cannot let this article pass without a nod to the Strib in general, and writer Kim Ode in particular, who bends over backwards to be sympathetic to these people whose only problem is having been told for decades that their Jesus wants them to be sad when other people are happy.

"The O’Neills are among several Minnesotans who were willing to talk about being caught in the undertow of a wave of social change, illustrated by the legalization of gay marriage starting Thursday. All hew to the ethic of 'hate the sin, love the ­sinner.'"

First, they're not caught in the undertow of the wave. They're standing in knee-deep water shouting to everyone that they're drowning. And second, "hate the sin, love the sinner" is not an ethos, it's a desperate rationalization for people whose every action shows them to hate sinners. Case in point, Mel and Ceil Schwimmer. Here's what Mel has to say about gay people.

"People say they love their cat or love their dog,” he said. “The word ‘love’ has lost its meaning.”

In other words, gay love is a lesser love. Like your love for a cat, or a dog. And this lesser love is making straight love lose its meaning. Now, that is a shitty thing to say under any circumstances, but here's the part that's going to really sting, and I say this as someone who's spent a decade digging through and categorizing horrible, shitty behavior. The Schwimmer's son is gay. He lives in New York, and according to the article, they rarely speak. Gee, wonder why.

Kurian Cherucheril said this, about being called a bigot and having to "accept" something he thinks is "wrong".

"I have to accept that there are crosses in life. After all, you are following someone who died on a cross, who carried a cross. What do you expect in life? You will carry a cross at times. Yet we are people of hope.”

And that's the difference between us. I am not a person of hope. Because if I hope that someday you'll realize that you're not actually carrying a cross here, that your suffering in an outer-ring suburb as a member of a comfortable church doesn't even begin to compare to the mythical suffering of the mythical guy who said a bunch of mythical stuff, some of which you follow slavishly and the rest of which you follow? I would be just as disappointed as you will be when your hope that someday, we'll all come to your gay-hating Jesus and undo these marriages goes unfulfilled. Bigot.

And finally, I will leave you with the words of alleged nondenominational Christian Naomi Jirele, which says better than I ever can, if not meaner than I ever can, the depths of self-delusion these people have to sink to in order to keep thinking of themselves as decent human beings.

"Many of my homosexual friends have been very respectful toward me since the vote. I have very high concern for each of them as individuals of whom I care, but I also know that you cannot talk straight talk to a stone wall, a clogged faucet, a distracted dog or a misplaced wrench."

Sorry, Jirele's gay friends! She'd love to talk to you, but you're apparently sturdy, full of filth, have a short attention span, are lost, largely mineral-based, water-dispensing dog-tools. Just know that she cares about you and has high concern for you, and maybe, someday, you can give up being gay so she can think of you as a person again.