Archive - Aug 23, 2013

Pre-Weekend Update

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Memo to a bunch of you: YOU ARE STILL DUMB.

Update time! A lot of recent columns have had even recenter developments, and this is as good a time as any, and better than most, to recap and revisit recent escapades. SPASTIC UPDATE MONKEY FRIDAY!

Just yesterday, we discussed the use of a Florida beating to try to claim that Barack Obama and civil rights leaders just don't care about the plight of white people in America, and are therefore just as evil as the racists who say Trayvon Martin deserved to die because everyone knows only criminals wear hooded sweatshirts.

Well, they clearly knew how weak their case was, because they've "upgraded" from Florida Bus Beating to Australian Murder. It's a significant step forward in that someone actually died and the crime has some racial overtones. Well, sort of. Three teens, one white, one black, and one mixed race, killed an Australian baseball player in a senseless murder, and one of them had tweeted about hating white people. They've all been arrested, of course. There's no question over whether or not the victim "deserved" it. But anyone who doesn't pretend it's exactly like the Trayvon Martin shooting is once again racist against white people. When will the white struggle end?


The latest ridiculous defense of the David Miranda questioning incident comes from Known Asshole Jeffrey Toobin, who made the following claim:

"I don't want to be unkind, but he was a mule. He was given something, he didn't know what it was, from one person to pass to another at the other end of an airport. Our prisons are full of drug mules."

First, of course, smuggling is not terrorism. Second, drug mules are not arrested because they're mules, they're arrested because they're mules for drugs, and drugs are illegal. The information Snowden gave Greenwald is not illegal, the means by which he acquired it was. Unlike Toobin's conclusion, which is stupid, and the way he arrived at it is also stupid.


Not really an update to a column, but an update to a concept I expressed on Twitter about a week ago. That concept was that you could tell you could stop listening to someone forever if you heard them being shitty about the solar panel installation in the White House.

That still stands. But there have been a few other recent developments, so we need to update the list of ways you can tell you never have to listen to anyone ever again.

Anyone being shitty about Chelsea, nee Bradley, Manning's gender identity. I don't know what's going on in his head, and I don't care. She's been treated shabbily and tortured at the hands of the U.S. government for years before he even got a trial. His gender identity and mental state aren't a subject for any armchair psychologists, especially the shitheads on the right whose understanding of gender identity is garnered entirely from the IMDB summary of "Glen Or Glenda".

As per above, anyone who thinks anyone is obligated to say certain things about the Oklahoma murder case.

Anyone who thinks Ted Cruz's Canadian citizenship is an issue. This, of course, includes Ted Cruz.

Feel free to update your personal lists accordingly.