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Urban Scott Canard

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Memo to Orson Scott Card: WAIT, WHAT?

As you may recall, yesterday, we covered the general case of Orson Scott Card's weird, paranoid fantasy about an Obama dictatorship. You may know Card from his science fiction work - he's the man behind the book behind the worst-looking trailer of the summer. Seriously, it looks like they decided to make The Last Starfighter 2 and left out all the nuance.

Anyway, today we're covering the specific case, because I guarantee you, when I said I was underplaying the crazy yesterday, you couldn't bring yourselves to believe me completely. Oh, you'll learn.

"How far might he take his dictatorial disposition? Is there any plausible way for him to remain as president for life, like the dictators he so admires and envies in Russia, China, and the Muslim world?"

Here's a little warmup for you. Keep in mind, this follows an extended sequence where he portrays Obama as a peace-loving, Muslim-hugging do-nothing who wouldn't start a war even if Iran nuked Israel. And thus, the classic wingnut contradiction, the weak, surrendering, bowing president who, if we don't stop him, will take over and destroy his enemies. They've never been able to bring "weak liberal" and "scary black man" in line with each other, so the two concepts just swish around their skulls like oil and vinegar.

"It's hard to imagine how American press coverage would be different if Obama were a Hitler- or Stalin-style dictator, except of course that everyone at Fox News, the Wall Street Journal, and the Rhinoceros Times would be in jail. Or dead."

Well, probably not everyone, Orson. I mean, the printing guys are union.

Also, I appreciate that you want to give a shout-out to the rag that reaches almost, but not quite, 30,000 people, but I'm pretty sure stopping the conservative message from reaching less than ten percent of the Greensboro area population is not actually on even Dictator Obama's "Things To Do" list.

"Having been anointed from the start of his career because he was that magical combination -- a black man who talks like a white man (that's what they mean by calling him "articulate" and a "great speaker") -- he has never had to work for a living, and he has never had to struggle to accomplish goals. He despises ordinary people, is hostile to any religion that doesn't have Obama as its deity, and his contempt for the military is complete."

Did I mention the racism yesterday? I believe I did, and here's Exhibit A. Talking like a white man is, for black people, "magic". "Articulate", of course, is what racists call black people who speak well, and "great speaker" is what non-racists call people who have been known to give very effective speeches. Also, Card thinks Obama is lazy. Wonder why that is?

"Michelle Obama will be Obama's designated "successor," and any Democrat who seriously opposes her will be destroyed in the media the way everyone who contested Obama's run for the Democratic nomination in 2008 was destroyed."

Now, I know Card spends most of the article wink wink nudge nudging about how this is just a possible scenario, but the people who opposed them were not "destroyed". They include the current Vice President, the former Secretary of State, a retired senator who served for three years after the election, an Ohio congressman, and the former governor of New Mexico, again, served three years after the election. If Barack Obama's post-election swath of destruction consisted of John Edwards and Mike Gravel, my totalitarian fears just dropped another notch.

"Obama will claim we need a national police force in order to fight terrorism and crime. The Boston bombing is a useful start, especially when combined with random shootings by crazy people. Where will he get his "national police"? The NaPo will be recruited from "young out-of-work urban men" and it will be hailed as a cure for the economic malaise of the inner cities. In other words, Obama will put a thin veneer of training and military structure on urban gangs, and send them out to channel their violence against Obama's enemies."

And there's your racism money shot. Seriously, just put on a hood and set fire to a cross already, dude. That's a hell of a lot more intellectually honest than spending thousands of words just for a thinly-veiled warning to your white brethren about Obama's N... Urban Army.

OK, two more. Mostly as denoument at this point, but first, there's this oddly specific bit of delusion:

"As for gun control, it will hardly be necessary. Obama already has his program of ammunition control. Guns without bullets are decorative. And he will have armored cars for the NaPo, precisely so that right-wing militia types can't use snipers against them."

First, no he doesn't. There's no ammunition control program. I assume Card is referring to the debunked "Obama's buying up all the bullets" myth, but I seem to recall ammunition sales being at a crazy all-time high. If wingnut militias can't find bullets at Wal-Mart, it's because some other pudgy, bald-but-ponytailed fuck in camo gear got there first.

But I love how Card felt it necessary to preemptively address "But what about right-wing militia types with snipers? Can't they fix everything like in Red Dawn?". Like Card's going to cross-promote someone else's movie.

"But it won't be just the NaPo. Once the government has firm control of health care, we'll find that the families of his opponents don't qualify for expensive medical care. Their children and parents will be medical-care hostages."

This, by the way, is all in the next decade. And really, only the eight years between 2016 and 2024, because the plan can't really begin until Michelle wins the 2016 election, which she would totally do because that's how American politics totally work in the real world. Even Bush 41 had to settle for his idiot son to carry on his legacy. Nobody was going to vote for Barbara.

Orson Scott Card, ladies and gentlemen. He's like the Renaissance man of reprehensible, psychotic views. Thinking he just hates gay people really sells him short. You know, like Ender's Game futures on the Hollywood Stock Exchange.