Archive - Mar 27, 2013

That Old Time Regression

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Memo to Ann Coulter, Walter Jones, and Brian Kemp: YOU ARE DUMB.

Well, that works out nicely. Not only do today's IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS about racism and xenophobia and bigotry, providing a nice thematic consistency, these IDIOTS SAID THE DAMNDEST THINGS a while ago, which means today's column also brings me three steps closer to being prepared for Readergeddon. It's a win-win-lose-lose-lose, and I'm fine with that.

"On the gun crimes, we keep hearing how low they are in Europe, and oh, they're so low, and they have no guns. If you compare white populations, we have the same murder rate as Belgium. So perhaps it's not a gun problem, it's a demographic problem. - Ann Coulter, on Hannity.

Now, Ann Coulter says a lot of stupid shit. But the reason she essentially stopped appearing in this space pretty early on is that, like her counterpart Rush Limbaugh, ninety nine times out of a hundred, she's deliberately trying to provoke exactly the kind of reaction this column provides. So these days, they only make it when they actually make a mistake, when their rhetoric actually causes harm, or when they're accidentally honest.

And after looking at this exchange a few times, I'm as confident as I can be that Coulter is being as genuine as she's even capable of anymore. Sure, she uses this as a way to pin this on the liberals for wanting diversity, but that's the thing - she's not subtle.

So her saying it's the liberals fault for encouraging brown people to come here? That's her trolling. The part where she supports that point by attempting to prove, statistically, that non-whites are violent barbarians? That's some straight-up, old-fashioned racism.

"It makes zero sense for the U.S. government to borrow money from China in order to promote the culture of Islamic civilizations. I want to treat it fairly and I think too many times the Christian faith is not treated fairly. If they want to have book about the Muslim’s faith, let’s have equal number of books about Judeo-Christian. - North Carolina Republican and "freedom fries" inventor Walter Jones, proving once again why it's bad for liberals to make single-issue bedfellows.

Yes, Jones eventually repudiated the Iraq War. Yes, Jones is still a fucking dunderhead. He's mad here because a North Carolina community college bought 25 books on Islam. Twenty. Five.

And, of course, Jones went for the xenophobic trifecta. First, you think there aren't 25 Judeo-Christian books in this school? In a North Carolina community college? Then you are insane. Second, a healthy dose of modern-day Yellow Panic. You could buy 25 books about Islam using the proceeds for all the U.S. savings bonds bought by the community this college serves and still have plenty left over for 25 copies of Left Behind. No dirty China money needed.

And, in a bit I don't have a direct quote for, Jones deflected bigotry by claiming friendship with my own representative, Keith Ellison, who, as a result of being both Muslim and black, is damn near the most efficient best friend an old white Southerner can claim to have.

"I think we do have to have commonsense protections to make sure that our rolls are secure to stop potential voter fraud. This whole issue with dealing with the federal government and universal registration and same-day registration and all these different buzzwords really gets down to the individual freedoms of people in our state and Americans in general and their ability to decide for themselves, 'yes I want to register to vote and participate in the process, or no that I don’t.'" - Georgia Secretary of State Brian Kemp, explaining why he's doing you a favor. No really.

See, Brian Kemp wants you to have the freedom to not register to vote, and he's going to accomplish this by making sure you don't have the freedom to register to vote on Election Day. Or when you renew your driver's license, if I'm parsing his specific use of "universal registration" correctly, and I think I am.

A flaming hoop is not an obstacle, you see. It just gives you the freedom to choose that you don't want to participate in the process by jumping through it. A barrier to entry simply weeds out the insufficiently committed. And if that was good enough back in the days of the poll tax, why can't it be good enough now?