Archive - Oct 2013

October 24th

Negative Thingness

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Memo to healthcare.gov and Dick Durbin: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.

I'd love to have given a shit about two of the stories clogging my feed this week, but I don't. I just don't. These stories block me up. They give me creative constipation. Because even by the standards of modern politics, they don't fucking matter. So it's time for UNSPASTIC UNTOPIC NOTMONKEY STILLFRIDAY!

Yes, the Obamacare website is broken as fuck. Of course it is. It's a government project farmed out to a private contractor in order to produce a large-scale web interface that connects to multiple diifferent private health insurance databases, all with a fixed, immutable October 1 deadline.

Should it be working? Fuck yes. Will it be working? Eventually. Was there any chance in everloving fuck it was going to work right on day one, no matter how much money or manpower were thrown at it, or how many times the deadline was pushed back? No. That's the way these projects are.

So all your recriminations, and all your trumped-up calls for resignations and firings, and all your hand-wringing can go fuck itself. Yes, obviously, keep pressure on them to fix it, because then they'll fix it faster and it'll be fixed. But the rest of it? Fuck right off. I've watched the launch of multibillion dollar video games with ample profit motives and experienced network teams be fucked for days or weeks because of high demand.

A bunch of Canadian lowest-bidder Javascript monkeys are not going to do better, especially when they have to interface with whatever werid-ass legacy mainframe databases your United Health Groups and your Kaiser Permasoze's are storing their shit on. Frankly, this is just another argument for single-payer, because that, at least, they could have built from scratch until it was broken as fuck on launch day.


I also don't give a shit whether or not some House Republican couldn't even stand to look at Obama anymore. Someone said he did, and then someone else repeated the story that he did, but Republicans say he didn't and Obama's spokesman said he didn't and then they said it was all a big misunderstanding.

And people on the left see it as just another example of Republican assholery and people on the right see it as just another example of leftist propaganda and victimhood and DEAR SWEET MERCIFUL FUCK SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

It's not even a particularly cutting statement. It's like something a 1960's ingenue would say to Robert MItchum. Or an overtired nine year old with a good vocabulary. It's not even a non-thing. Washington D.C. is full of non-things. This is less than that. This has achieved negative thingness. I can't even stand to look at it anymore.