Archive - Aug 2012

Free To Be RNC

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Normally, I like to give the national conventions a pass. They don't make policy, nothing interesting happens there, and it's American politics at its worst - stage-managed to within an inch of its life, lavishly expensive, and utterly predictable.

But there are just enough tiny things out of Tampa worthy of commenting on that I thought I'd pile them all together in a quick SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY: RNC EDITION. Let's get nuts.

So a couple of attendees or delegates (we'll never know, because nobody's saying) got thrown out of the convention (temporarily or permanently, we'll never know, because nobody's saying) because they threw nuts at Patricia Carroll, a black CNN camerawoman, saying "That's how we feed the animals!"

Carroll, in speaking about the event, said it was not surprising, which is true, that racism is a global problem, which is also true, and that it could have happened at the Democratic convention, which is bullshit.

I'm not saying there are no racist Democrats. But Carroll was the victim of a very specific, very Republican meme. The few Democrats that believe in the meme are Blue Dog congresscritters, and they know better than to throw nuts at the press. I assume Carroll knows this, and only said what she did because CNN bought a warehouse full of false equivalencies back around 2004, and if they don't use them up by 2020, Ted Turner's immortal soul is doomed. Or something like that.

Like the idea that women have magic rape-proof uteruses, the idea that if you keep giving black people free food, they'll never go away, just like animals, sounds shocking and rare, but is in fact a common right-wing belief. Why, right here in Minnesota, a state legislator got into trouble for saying that very thing. You hear it cause a minor pontifigurd every three months or so. I'm pretty sure it was in one of those Ron Paul newsletters Ron Paul signed his name to without reading or approving them.

So yes, Virginia, both parties do it. But they do it in different ways, and this particular way was exclusively GOP.

Clint Eastwood is apparently going to be the mystery speaker at the RNC this year. Remember, kids. Democrats worship at the decadent altar of liberal Hollywood elites. Republicans just voted Clint Eastwood in as mayor, Arnold Schwarzenegger in as governor, and Ronald Reagan in as president.

If you haven't watched Samantha Bee discuss abortion at the RNC on The Daily Show yet (from Wednesday night), do so immediately. It, along with the Internet parts of the Herman Cain interview, are further proof of my ongoing theory that you can't make people incapable of cognition recognize cognitive dissonance.

The AP said that Paul Ryan, who lied his fucking ass off over and over again during his acceptance speech, took "factual shortcuts". I suggest we adopt the AP's terminology on a widespread basis in order to usher in our brave, new, post-factual world.

Todd Akin would have been fine if he'd just explained that women's bodies shut down during legitimate "relationship shortcuts".

We can just explain that the reason no bankers went to jail is that they didn't commit any crimes, they just engaged in "liquidity shortcuts".

Mitt Romney doesn't hide his money in offshore tax havens, he just sends his money on Great Circle routes.

Journalists don't bother checking facts, determining truth, and identifying the prevaricators, they take "reporting shortcuts".