You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Archive - Mar 14, 2012
Memo to Antonin Scalia, James Inhofe, and Rick Santorum: YOU ARE DUMB.
It's like an all-stars reality show this week on IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS, as three of the heavy hitters when it comes to old white Christians who are gonna kill us all in their anti-science theocracy are up to bat. I'm not even capable of judging anymore whether these are new heights in ridiculousness, but it certainly doesn't represent a downward trend.
"My point is not that reason and intellect need to be laid aside. A faith without a rational basis should be laid aside as false. … What is irrational is to reject a priori the possibility of miracles in general and the resurrection of Jesus Christ in particular.” - Supreme Court Justice, As Difficult As That Is To Believe, Antonin Scalia.
Look, you balding turd in a robe, are you familiar with the concept of mutual exclusivity? I mean, you're one of nine people tasked with determining the ultimate fate of laws in our society, so you'd think you'd have to be up on that idea. But you'd also think you'd have to be up on the idea of asking questions, and Clarence Thomas proved that wrong, so I guess anything's up for grabs.
Miracles are innately irrational, unreasonable, and outside of the realm of intellect. Otherwise, they're not miracles. Same with the resurrectionizing of Jesus. If it's rational, then either you can explain it, or someone someday will be able to explain it. And if you can explain it, then guess what? NOT A MIRACLE. Maybe it's alien superscience. Maybe it's time travel. Although I can't imagine any future person going back in time, making the Jesus stuff happen, seeing that it leads to Antonin Scalia, and not going back in time again to stop himself.
Let the record show that Antonin Scalia believes that the resurrection of Jesus was alien superscience.
"Well actually the Genesis 8:22 that I use in there is that 'as long as the earth remains there will be springtime and harvest, cold and heat, winter and summer, day and night.' My point is, God’s still up there. The arrogance of people to think that we, human beings, would be able to change what He is doing in the climate is to me outrageous." - Oklahoma senator and the man who will drown us all in icecap water, James Inhofe.
Say what you like about Inhofe - and I will, that oil-sucking superstitious asshole - but at least, unlike Antonin Scalia, he doesn't pretend he's rational. He defies it, well, defiantly. And constantly. Someone wrote in a book that there will always be spring, therefore there is no global warming, and if there is, God's doing it on purpose, so we'd better suck it up and enjoy it and keep burning the dinosaur juice God put under the sand because there is no such thing as dinosaurs!
Still, scorching the earth, murdering poor people with tornadoes, famine, and rising oceans, and killing off all the fish due to rising ocean acidity from CO2 does sound a lot more like the God that's allegedly shepherded this planet for the last 2,000 years than the kind loving god James Inhofe trusts and dares not act against. But then, Inhofe has at least three gods he dare not act against, and Big Oil and Grover Norquist are shitheads, too.
"See, I always believed that when you run for president of the United States, it should be illegal to read off a teleprompter, because all you're doing is reading someone else's words to people. You're voting for someone who is going to be the leader of our government," Santorum continued. "It's important for you to understand who that person is in their own words, see them, look them in the eye ... hear what's (in their) heart." - Rick Santorum, who you get to keep hearing from because the latest primaries appear, as of the time of this writing to be refusing to settle things again.
Maybe if Rick Santorum used a teleprompter, he'd make some fucking sense. Maybe if Rick Santorum would refuse to read someone else's words, he'd stop quoting his two-thousand-year-old book and expecting the rest of us to live by it and hate along with him. And maybe if the Republican base weren't a bunch of reactionary racist fuckwads who decide to hate technology based on nothing beyond the fact that the first black President, like dozens of presidents before him, and hundreds of politicians, Democrat and Republican alike, uses it, then maybe lines about outlawing Teleprompters wouldn't actually give a complete fucking ignoramus like Rick Santorum enough traction to hang in second place in the GOP primary.
Now THAT might make me believe in miracles. Not the resurrection of Jesus, though. Don't push it.