Archive - Feb 2012

February 29th


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Memo to Rick Santorum Times Three: THANKS FOR BEING DUMB.

As of this writing, the results of the tightly-contested Michigan GOP primary are still up in the air. But if Rick Santorum pulls it out at the last minute, it'll be because he asked Democrats to yank him over the finish line to a happy ending. An ending we should be more than happy to oblige.

Oh, I've heard the argument that by helping Santorum, we might help him win the nomination, and if he wins the nomination, he might win the presidency, and if any Republican wins the presidency, we're better off if it's Romney. I reject that argument wholeheartedly on the grounds that Rick Santorum is unelectable. Wait, let me rephrase that. Rick Santorum better fucking well be unelectable.

People say Dubya was unelectable, but that's mostly in retrospect. Dubya, at his worst, was an incompetent bumblefuck who thought he had the occasional conversation with Yahweh. And he had to steal two narrow elections against a block of reclaimed wood and a block of wood with a medal nail-gunned to its chest. Rick Santorum is a Bible-thumping reactionary nutjob whose name has become synonymous with SHIT AND LUBE. Running against an admittedly disappointing, but still dynamic, sitting president. If America can really elect Rick Santorum in 2012, then you might as well go deep into debt and spend it all on hookers and blow, because the party's going to be over really, really soon. And to remind you of why, UNELECTABLE IDIOT SAYS THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"But I do have concerns about women in frontline combat. I think that can be a very compromising situation where — where people naturally may do things that may not be in the interests of the mission because of other types of emotions that are involved. And I think that’s probably — you know, it already happens, of course, with the camaraderie of men in combat. But it’s — but it’s — I think it would be even more unique if women were in combat." - Rick Santorum, in just one of the recent moments where he had to explain himself.

Look at that. Rick Santorum is basically a Sarah Palin that women have no reason to vote for. He tried to claim later on that it was the manemotions that would be the problem, taking unnecessary risks to protect and rescue women, but there's a reason he didn't say that up front. Two reasons, if you don't assume "he's a moron" as a default background reason. It's because Ricky has internalized a lot of the PMS-in-combat / menstruating in the trenches bullshit that he's been steeped in as a member in good standing of the religious right. It's still bad when it's dressed up as bullshit chivalry, but we all know what's in his heart.

"It’s not about you. It’s not about your quality of life. It’s not about your job. It’s about some phony ideal, some phony theology, Oh, not a theology based on the Bible, a different theology, but no less a theology.” - Santorum, again, saying something he'd have to explain.

This, again, is the actual potential national frontrunner openly voicing the kind of attacks that, four years ago, John McCain had to ward off from the crazy people in his audience. And sure, Santorum went on to explain that the non-Christian "theology" he meant was environmentalism, but first, that doesn't make it any fucking better, and second, that message was undermined more than a bit when one of his spokesdrones went on cable news and Freudian-slipped "Islamic" in the place of "environmental".

This is how Rick's been sewing up the support of the Crazy Third. Saying shit at an eleven, then walking it back. But he's only walking it back to an eight, at best. He's starting at bugfuck conspiracy theorist and walking it back to Fallwellian theocrat. That shit only flies, or at least should only fly, just so far.

"What kind of country do we live that says only people of non-faith can come into the public square and make their case? That makes me throw up and it should make every American who is seen from the president, someone who is now trying to tell people of faith that you will do what the government says, we are going to impose our values on you, not that you can’t come to the public square and argue against it, but now we’re going to turn around and say we’re going to impose our values from the government on people of faith, which of course is the next logical step when people of faith, at least according to John Kennedy, have no role in the public square." - Rick Santorum, who cannot seem to ever speak publicly without tossing his own word salad.

Santorum, by the way, now says he regrets using vomit imagery about JFK's views on religion. By the way, he said these comments while coming to the public square and having a role there as potential GOP presidential candidate. But even Santorum realizes this was a major over-reach - not because he's completely making shit up about what separation of church and state means for the ideological bent of people running for office, but because JFK is one of the last even remotely liberal icons whose public legacy has remained unsmeared by the right.

Especially, by the way, in the eyes of the Beltway media, who will give Rick Santorum a pass on hundreds of execrable, miserable ideas, but didn't on this one, because Camelot was great for dinner parties.

If Barack Obama can't beat Rick Santorum within an inch of his misbegotten life, he doesn't deserve a second term, and if America can in all good conscience turn out in droves and elect Rick Santorum as President of the United States of America, well, then, we deserve the fiery hell-hole we'll become. Worst case scenario is, we rip the Band-Aid off quickly.