Archive - Nov 21, 2012

More Fun With Oklahoma

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Memo to James Clyburn, Mike Norman, and Oklahoma: YOU ARE DUMB.

Today, in a very special IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS, I start by going someplace I almost never go, and will probably not go again for a very long time, and then we finish with a place I will hopefully never go, and maybe, if that secession movement ever kicks into year, I won't even have to deal with anymore. We should be so lucky.

"You know, these are code words. These kinds of terms that those of us -- especially those of us who were grown and raised in the South -- we've been hearing these little words and phrases all of our lives and we get insulted by them." - South Carolina representative Jim Clyburn, explaining why John McCain called Susan Rice "incompetent".

Now, I enter into this particular minefield with the full knowledge that, as a white guy, telling a black guy who sees racism that there's no racism going on is, 999 times out of 1,000, an awful, awful idea. Wrongheaded. Stemming from a fundamental lack of experience that informs such judgments.

But this is about Benghazi, and nothing about Benghazi is about race. It doesn't have to be. There are three things that tickle the Republican lizard brain. One of them is melanin, yes. One of them is women enjoying sex. You'd think "women enjoying sex" would be a subset of "anyone enjoying sex", but in the GOP lizard brain it's the exact opposite. And the third is presidency-ending scandals.

They still want revenge for Watergate, and if no Democrat's going to do something bad enough to rise to the level of Watergate, then by sweet fuck, they're going to pretend EVERYTHING does. Benghazi is just the latest in a series of these things, which include Whitewater and, of course, the suicide of Vince Foster. That's what the Susan Rice thing is all about, and it'd happen to her if she were as white and male as Ron Paul at an Andy Williams revue in Branson.

"One gentleman from Missouri left a message on my phone. He said judges can't order people to go to church. People are calling from all around the country. I live in the Bible Belt, though. The Bible is still alive down here; churches are still open. I'm sure those people are right, but they're going to have to do what they want to do." - Oklahoma Judge Mike Norman, um, defending? his decision to sentence a kid in a vehicular manslaughter case to ten years of weekly church attendance.

Fucking Oklahoma. I've got news for Judge Norman. For good or ill, churches are still open everywhere, except in a few Southern states where they set fire to them so that Muslims can't pray there. And again, for good or ill, the Bible is still alive.

And yes, the Christian God's influence is amplified in Oklahoma as a direct result of that state's below-average mental capacity, but that power doesn't give you carte blanche to rule however the fuck you want while freely admitting it's illegal. There will, eventually, be a constitutional reckoning.

"Remember the Sabbeth Day, to keep it holy... Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidseruant." - a new Ten Commandments monument at the Oklahoma State Capitol, proving my point eloquently through a lack of eloquence.

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY? Apparently God's power in Oklahoma doesn't extend to making sure the people carving unconstitutional Biblical stone memorials for the government know how to spell the fucking Commandments they're carving.

Keep losing these cases, pigfuckers. You're just cementing your downfall in legal precedent one case at a time. Your churches will still be open, your precious book will still be alive, but your creeping, creepy theocracy will keep being beaten back.